Then and Now

With the Lakers on the verge of sending the Spurs back to San Antoino empty handed and the Celtics looking like the winners of the minor league championship(The East), it is only fitting to go back to the future. I'm setting the Delorean for 1985 in attempt to hype the probable championship of 2008. The dials are set, the flux capacitor is fluxing, the speed is 88, the jello is jigling, the butter is getting hard and away we go....

Can you S-P-E-L-L Excitement?

Yes, it's that time again folks, the annual Scripps Spelling Bee is just around the corner. The event that should really air on ESPN "The Ocho", will air the Semi-finals on ESPN and the finals will air on ABC! This is a serious fucking red carpet they are rolling out for these prepubescents, don't you think? I know it's better than most ABC reality programming but come on? I didn't know this many paederasts had TVs, aren't they locked up? If I wanted to see four 12 year olds struggling on a stage I'd go to a strip club in Bangkok, Thailand. I have to say, if you are a music head and love celebrities, this is one of the few events that you can catch Michael Jackson and Pee Wee Herman court side taking it in, in shades, like Jack Nicholson and Lou Adler at a Laker game. In all seriousness, I couldn't spell for shit when I was younger and still can't, if you read this site daily you would know this. The kids are under extreme pressure and really give it their all. I don't know how they do it, they have to know like 98% of the English language and they aren't even allowed to use the 7 dirty words that are banned from TV and radio. At least I have that on them. Check here for air times and enjoy the competition.
My pick is the 12-year-old sixth grader, So-Young Iris Chung, out of Peoria, Arizona. Chances are if shecan spell her name right she should be able to spell most of the oddballs they throw at her on Saturday.

Why this year’s Spurs weren’t sharp enough

What was the death knell for the Spurs? With Timmy sliding over to center position, they have tried to survive this playoffs with Fabricio Oberto, Kurt Thomas and Robert Horry as their primary big men. What do they all have in common? Old and stiff. Horry used to be great. But after 0 fg’s in the series versus the Lakers so far, I think its safe to say he should retire. Oberto is decent, but you’d be ecstatic to get even 10 points out of him. Not what you would want out of a starting big man. Thomas can play decent post defense against slow big guys, but against players like Pau Gasol and Lamar Odom he can’t even get on the court.

So what does Coach Pop do during most fourth quarters? He plays small, with 4 perimeter players around Duncan. Tony Parker, Manu Ginobili, Bruce Bowen, and one of either Brent Barry, Michael Finley, and Ime Udoka. The problem with this is two-fold. First off, they get killed on the offensive glass. Especially against a long team like the Lakers who have forwards like Odom, Radmanovic, and Luke Walton who are all bigger and just as quick as the San Antonio smalls forced to play the forward spots. The problem is them compounded by the fact that the Spurs small forward Bruce Bowen guards the Lakers’ shooting guard, forcing Ginobili on the small forward. This basically puts them at a size disadvantage and two positions. And what happened, Walton, Odom, and Radmanovic feasted on the offensive glass.

This brings me to my main point. How did the Spurs get so thin up front. First they let Nazi Muhammed and Fransisco Elson go. Neither are world beaters, but at least they could move their feet and block shots. But more importantly why did they trade Luis Scola for a chicken wing and a new 5 dollar bill to the Houston Rockets before the season started. Mistake? I’d say so. Scola averaged 14 points and 8.5 rebounds after the all-star break (when he finally broke into the lineup) and became the primary scorer on the box for a playoff team. Not only that, but Scola is only 26 and has played for years on the Argentinine National Team with fellow Spurs, Ginobili and Oberto. Scola could hit the open jumper at the top of the key with Timmy on the court, and his presence would have allowed Duncan to get a couple minutes rest. With him not there, Duncan never got to take a little break heading into the fourth quarter of game 4 and he gassed down the stretch and missed some chippies. And honestly its hard to blame him for getting tired after basically putting up 20-20 games for 4 straight games. Scola coulda, shoulda, and woulda given the Spurs a great chance to beat LA. Instead, he will help the Houston Rockets be another team the Spurs must contend with for years to come.

The one hope for Spurs fans is Brazilian big man Tiago Splitter who they drafted at the end of the first round last year. He may be just what the doctor ordered.

Johnny Guns and the Gun Show

Brace yourself, this guy is really serious...
This doesn't have that much to do with sports other than the title of the show being, "Vegas Sports," but I felt that a majority of the audience would get a kick out of this Vegas local.



Take notes.
Word to the wise: Live hard, play hard, stay hard...

WWE Draft Analysis

Yes, this is is a new low for Sports Toilet, but I can't escape my past. I figured I had to be the one to do this even though I know the other columnists on this site enjoyed a figure four leg lock or two in their day.
I haven't really been into the wrestling scene in a while, not since the days of DX, "Stone Cold" Steve Austin and Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson. Last time I tuned in, Hogan and Flair were wrestling, that was in 2007, 20 years after I used to watch tapes of them, hey MacMahon, maybe it's time for some new blood? What do you think?
I used to be a huge fan, like put on the warrior face paint while rocking a Hogan tee, holding a foam 2x4 a la Hacksaw Jim Duggan, Ho!!!
I checked out WWE.com, just to check up, I do this once in a while. The WWE, I guess in attempt to be even more like a real sport, will be holding a draft. I mean the other major contact sports already have the steroids, high priced talent and ESPN turns everything into a drama with stroylines, much like the WWE, so the only thing left to do was have a draft.
I know they have done this before, but according to WWE.com, they are holding a draft now that the WWE is split into different leagues? (RAW, Smackdown, ECW) Odd, I know.
This is cool for the fans I guess, I mean back in the day I would've been down for this, now, I don't really know who's around? I know a few guys, but not enough to compile an entire Mock Draft, so I'm gonna do my Mock Draft from 1988, because this is the anniversary of the first ever single elimination tournament to crown the champ when the belt was relinquished by Hulk Hogan due to a disputed call against Andre the Giant. The Tournament took place at The Trump Casino in Jersey,and ended with Randy Savage walking away with the belt. Fucking sweet!
So I guess if there was a draft in 88, this is probably how it would go...
WWF Mock Draft 88'

1. Hulk Hogan

2. "Macho Man" Randy Savage

3. Andre "the Giant"

4. "The Million Dollar Man" Ted Dibiase
5. Ricky "The Dragon" Steamboat
6. Rick Rude
7. Ultimate Warrior
8. Greg "The Hammer" Valentine
9. The One Man Gang
10. "The Natural" Butch Reed
11. Rowdy Roddy Piper
12. The Honky Tonk Man
13. Bret "Hitman" Hart
14. Bam Bam Bigelow
15. "Bad News" Brown
I tried...