We made a couple key trades and we got the Funk

I was thinking back on some Nike commercials after seeing the new ones for Nike Sparq where every one's faster is faster than my fastest. I like this a lot and it's great to see Saul William's get much overdue exposure with his song in the commercial, "List of Demands." I love huge Nike campaigns like this and it got me thinking about the best ever. There's been a bunch but one stood out in my mind.




Anyone remember the Roswell Rayguns? They were the fictitious ABA team comprised of "Dr. Funk" Vince Carter, Jerry Stackhouse, Jermaine O'neil and Baron Davis.It was 1975 and they just wanted to keep the funk alive. The commercials were made to promote Vinsanity's new shoe by Nike. The Nike campaign was based on an ABA team that was struggling and invested in a new brand of basketball that could be the future. They were right and it was also the birth of pro sport's widespread historical appreciation of past uniforms, especially basketball. Now you started seeing 10-15 throwback games a year and killer uniforms for fans to galk at and desire to buy. Soon enough Mitchell & Ness, the leader in throwback reproductions over saturated the market with uniforms that at one point in time were nearly impossible to find. Rappers started sporting them in nearly every video you saw and the widespread demand was crazy. It was more common so see a "Throwback uniform on the street than a regular jersey. The craze was everywhere and thank God it died down, any and all nostalgic value the jerseys had was killed. I don't think the commercial was completely to blame, Andre & Big Boi played a huge part in the madness as well. A Nike campaign that fresh deserves a shout out, it was the best thing since Spike Lee and Jordan's "It's gotta be the shoes."
Nike last great campaign was the Lebrons. That was funny. I hate Lebron, but the guy can sure sell a product. Especially when he jumps off the high dive while Kool and the Gang is playing, that's smooth. Not sure if it's better than Chris Rock and Penny Hardaway's "Little Penny," but it is damn funny.
Still all of those are no match for the genius of the Roswell Rayguns. Nike + Vince + Diddy + Stack + JO + Snoop + tha P + Tha Funk Ship=The best Nike ad ever!

Beardown Arizona

In what was the most tumultuous season in the University of Arizona basketball history, things seem to be going down the toilet. The Silver Fox Lute Olson has returned to restore order in Tucson but it seems that his coaching staff preferred he stayed at home. It seems as if he not only divorced his wife but the staff and him are in a serious custody battle. Just last week Arizona basketball legend Miles Simon, who guided the Cats to the 1997 National Championship was let go by the staff. The hottest rumor to come out of Tucson right now is Josh Pastner leaving to work on John Calipari's staff at Memphis. Just some history on Pastner, this guy was the best benchwarmer ever to play. As a member of the 1997 National Championship run he would sit in timeouts and make plays for Miles Simon and apparently they worked well for the kid. Check him out during the tournament run.


But seriously, how do you let this guy just walk away from the program? I question whether Lute might be off his rocker on this one. The divorce between the coaching staff also has a custody battle for a child. This kid happens to be the best point guard from the state of Washington.(Sorry UW you have no chance) Check him out down below.As a verbal commit to Arizona already he might change his mind and follow that Pastner guy to Memphis if Lute shows him the door. Now what did Lute do to rebuild his staff. They signed Russ Pennell who use to work for ASU. I don't even have to fight this case, the guy went to ASU. Lute also handpick Mike Dunlap from the Denver Nuggets coaching staff. I thought we already tried having former NBA coaches help us out. Wasn't that guy named Kevin O'Neil. Buckle up Wildcat fans, its going to be yet another bumpy ride come Midnight Madness. More updates to come...

Viva La Espana

Lets take a moment to congratulate Sergio "El Nino" Garcia for winning The Players Championship this afternoon.

On a lovely afternoon at the TPC Sawgrass in Florida Sergio won in a playoff agaisnt fellow Long Beach native Paul Goydos. In what has been a career in which "El Nino" has never won the big one or any of the 4 major tournaments in golf the kid got off the schnid and for that we applaud him. But lets get serious, the only way other golfers had a chance to win this week is that Tiger Woods is still recovering from surgery. So during the "Tiger Woods Era" we probably won't remember you winning this tournament in a month because the public only know Tiger. But this Spainard showed what happens when you focus and make your putts. The influx of Spanish athletes has really made us here in the States to take notice and not take siestas while they have the ball in their hands. Pau Gasol has demonstrated what happens when you move from Memphis to Los Angeles. Marc Gasol, I suggest you just stay in Spain. Jose Calderon has finally taken care of his passport issues and teaching those Canucks that Toronto is a basketball town. Juan Carlos Navarro and Rudy Fernandez are the bright future of Spanish basketball atheletes. On a day in which "El Nino" cashed in, we take a moment to congratualte Spain for making our sports a real fiesta.

Hold the Mayo

That 4 letter network reported today that the generally always up to no good former USC guard and future NBA lottery pick/millionaire O.J. Mayo (real name: Ovinton J'Anthony Mayo--I'm not making this up) was accepting cashmoney and free bottles at Teddy's while a student at the University of South Central. A big NCAA no no. This could potentially mean that USC would have to forfeit all games where OJ.participated. Doubtful that will happen. More likely are some additional restrictions on recruiting that they will no doubt violate. My question: wasn't this one obvious? At the time, USC had just spent millions of dollars in constructing the GAYlen Center (which I have to admit is actually pretty nice). To build a competitive/interesting to watch so that we can sell tickets and fill the arena team, they needed a blue chip recruit. Enter Mayo. A kid who has been hyped in the national media since 7th grade. From West Virginia/Ohio, willing to go to the highest bidder. USC (a school known for buying players) fit the bill. You would think that the boys from Troy would have learned their lesson on investing in degenerates named OJ. Guess not. This whole situation has the movie Blue Chips written all over it. Tim Floyd is Pete Bell. Seriously. (Speaking of Tim Floyd, my friend Loaf often refers to him as a used mattress salesman. I'd say that's pretty accurate). Of course, nothing will happen to Mustard...I mean Mayo. Just like in Blue Chips, where Neon and Butch (played by Shaq and Penny Hardaway respectively) went directly to the pros unscathed by the recruiting violations. As for the future of BBQ Sauce, I predict that he will go lottery in the draft and have an adequate statistical career (potentially a good short term pick-up in fantasy leagues) for a myriad of crappy teams . Think hybrid of Ricky Davis/Jamaal Tinsley. And, of course, he will rack up a slew of legal infractions ranging from substance abuse (DUI, possession of illegal substance, etc.), to assault to possession of an illegal firearm. Mark it down. You heard it here first on the Sports Toilet. By the way, why doesn't Vegas have odds on athletes and the likelihood of them getting arrested? I take the under on Horseradish getting arrested within a year.

Bow Down to Washington?

The University of Washington Huskies are holding an open competition to find a a new school song. Here are details from the school website. $1,000 for the winner. Not bad. And they even got that guy who composed the film score for Rocky to write the music. I guess you have to do anything to raise morale after the first losing season in both football and basketball in 25+ years. But hey, why not? I'm all for adding some modern flavor to the Dawgs anitquated fight song. As long as the new song includes the words "Jake Locker" and "future" in one or multiple lines. Administration should also bring back the old school logo. Or maybe hold a similar competition to design a new logo. The current Husky is too lifeless.

Vamos Vamos Argentina..

For yet another devirginization @ sportstoilet.com I wanted to introduce our followers to the wonderful world of Futbol. To begin I thought we should start with a friendly overlook of the top national soccer teams. I headed to the internationally recognized fifa rankings where I was delighted to see my beloved Argentine team ranked number one in the world. A team overflowing with talent at every position heads the list followed by the Brazilians, Italians, and Spain. – The U.S. is 21st and surprisingly the Mexicans are ranked slightly higher at 17th.
The Argentines are loaded with young talent that will only get better with age. Led by the young Lionel Messi who is already considered one of the greatest players in the world at age twenty one, and is the only untradeable player for Barcelona. Just watch some of the footage I found, here. Another prominent talent is striker Sergio "Kún" Agüero, age twenty, who currently plays for Atletico Madrid but has been rumored to be a highly coveted player of Chelsea owner Roman Abramovich. A man known for assembling teams of international “all-stars.” Lets not forget about Carlitos Tevez who helped clinch another title for Sir Alex Ferguson and Manchester United. The Argentines are ranked number one in the world and seem destined to stay atop of the rankings for years to come. Especially while they are anchored in the middle by the man, the myth, the legend: Juan Roman Riquelme. One of the most talented players of all time.
On the club level we would like to congratulate once again Manchester United for winning the Premiere League title. In the Italian league there is one more match left with Inter leading in the overall rankings by one point over a Totti-less Roma. The Italian Marco Materazzi, more known for getting head-butted by Zidane in the World Cup, missed a penalty kick which would have clinched the Serie A Title for Inter; instead they must get a win next weekend or at the very least get a Roma defeat. Lastly, La Liga in Spain was won by Real Madrid.

Where is the Love?

Stop giving Lebron James all the credit for the success of the Cleveland Cavaliers. You wanna know who really is the Shit? I think it’s about time we began to recognize Zydrunas Ilgauskas. The man is 7 foot 3 inches tall. Shoots over fifty percent from the field in the playoffs, is a great rebounder, can deliver superb passes off of the double team. The list goes on and on. Big Z has a high basketball I.Q. and in my opinion his greatness is often not shown in the box score at the end of games. He’s like an elder, much wiser version of Pau Gasol. He easily draws the opponents big man outside because they have to respect his shot; so on high screen picks you either allow him an “easy” fifteen footer or he is very conscious of the whereabouts of his teammates and due to that often creates an easy bucket for the Cavaliers. On defense he puts his stamp on the game by pulling down the rebounds and with his blocking capabilities, deters the opponents from driving into the lane.
Now couple that with the fact that Lebron James is a ball-hog. He suffers from a similar dilemma that one of my buddies does. It has to do with how James and my friend understand and follow the whole theory of “they don’t have to try and score every point” however (and this is a big however,) they have one of those clauses that stipulates something like “if and only if I can at the very least get an assist out of it.” This causes the game to be completely centered on one guy (James obviously,) and incredibly handicaps a teams overall offensive capabilities. This kind of game play by Lebron further limits the ability of the big Lithuanian to produce more on the stat sheets; instead he chooses to quietly set high screens, dominate the boards, and of course hit jumpers from fifteen out while also scoring on beautiful hook shots. So yeah, with that said I think the Cavaliers have a great chance of escaping out of the east to meet my beloved Lakers in a NBA Final series. I don’t think the Celtics can beat Lebron and Big Z. Neither can the Pistons; especially with Chauncey “Bi Bi” Billups on one leg after his hamstring injury. If the Cavs come out of the East they would of course end their playoff hopes against the Lakers who will win this years NBA championship and give the black mamba a Finals MVP award as well.

Lakers in Five.

After a close loss in Game 3 at Utah, the Los Angeles Lakers are looking to get their third win of the series on Sunday. With the game falling on the Holy Day, the stellar home court advantage that helped the Jazz roll to a 37 – 4 regular season record at home will take a toll due to the fact that several of the Mormon fans, including their owner Mr. Miller will not be in attendance. Thank you, Stern.
Pau Gasol reminded us in his last game why the Grizzlies never got anywhere. Way to stink it up hombre. Clearly the leader in Spain is Calderon, he didn’t even need Pau in the finals of the last FIBA world championships to win it all. Every single time the Spaniard got the ball he ended up turning the ball over. I never expect much defense from the guy, however six rebounds in over forty minutes of play?!? Are you kidding me? No shots from the line? Step it up Pau. Step it up. Thank God we got Kobe. That being said, I’m sure the Zenmaster will fix this problem. That’s what the guy does. Straight up fixes things. Maybe I’m over reacting we did only lose by five and committed an uncharacteristically high number of turnovers.
Regardless, Gasol has to play better in Game four. The Machine and Jordan Farmar will not shoot 0-9 from the field. Lamar is going to get the ‘boards and intangibles. Fish is going to take his offensive charges. And Kobe will be the Black Mamba. All those things have me thinking win on Sunday as well as a win in Game five in Los Angeles.