Welcome back Mr.Collins...

I was listening to Dan Patrick early this morning when the story broke that Doug Collins is coming back to coach the Chicago Bulls. Doug, i just want to say how happy I am that I and fellow SportsToilet fans don't have to hear your analysis on TNT anymore. If only we could get Jeff Van Gundy to make it to every game in the playoffs, this world could be a much better place.
Lets break down Doug's decision on why he decided to come back. First, that's just it, FIRST pick in the NBA Draft this summer. As soon as the Bulls stole the #1 pick from other NBA teams in need of the first pick like the Seatlle Supersonics or the Charlotte Bobcats. Doug's people put a call into Chi-town, knowing they needed a big name. Shit, I would put a call in to promote Shay-Shay to be the next coach. It's not like Doug is stepping into a franchise like the Clippers or the Bobcats. Chicago is a loaded team that has not learned how to play in the east. Once Doug and their #1 pick learn how to play semi-normally, they will be a top 3 team in the shitty eastern conference and Doug will ride out on top.

Mr.Collin's wants redemption very badly. After his firing in 1989, the Chicago Bulls started their run in becoming one of the most storied franchises of all time. Under the guidance of the brilliant Phil Jackson, the Bulls were the crowned ,"team of the 90's." Shay Shay wonders if during this time Doug Collin's sat at home and thought ",this should have been me." Now he is making one more run at coaching while Phil Jackson goes for another ring with the purple and gold. Doug Collins was the one who bred Jordan, drafted Pippen and did all the dirty work in his early days with the 80's Bulls. Mr. Collin's is out to prove just one more time why he loves his Chicago Bulls, and maybe why he should have never been fired in the first place. Think of his other option, coaching the Phoenix Suns, I think not.

Then and Now

With the Lakers on the verge of sending the Spurs back to San Antoino empty handed and the Celtics looking like the winners of the minor league championship(The East), it is only fitting to go back to the future. I'm setting the Delorean for 1985 in attempt to hype the probable championship of 2008. The dials are set, the flux capacitor is fluxing, the speed is 88, the jello is jigling, the butter is getting hard and away we go....

Can you S-P-E-L-L Excitement?

Yes, it's that time again folks, the annual Scripps Spelling Bee is just around the corner. The event that should really air on ESPN "The Ocho", will air the Semi-finals on ESPN and the finals will air on ABC! This is a serious fucking red carpet they are rolling out for these prepubescents, don't you think? I know it's better than most ABC reality programming but come on? I didn't know this many paederasts had TVs, aren't they locked up? If I wanted to see four 12 year olds struggling on a stage I'd go to a strip club in Bangkok, Thailand. I have to say, if you are a music head and love celebrities, this is one of the few events that you can catch Michael Jackson and Pee Wee Herman court side taking it in, in shades, like Jack Nicholson and Lou Adler at a Laker game. In all seriousness, I couldn't spell for shit when I was younger and still can't, if you read this site daily you would know this. The kids are under extreme pressure and really give it their all. I don't know how they do it, they have to know like 98% of the English language and they aren't even allowed to use the 7 dirty words that are banned from TV and radio. At least I have that on them. Check here for air times and enjoy the competition.
My pick is the 12-year-old sixth grader, So-Young Iris Chung, out of Peoria, Arizona. Chances are if shecan spell her name right she should be able to spell most of the oddballs they throw at her on Saturday.

Why this year’s Spurs weren’t sharp enough

What was the death knell for the Spurs? With Timmy sliding over to center position, they have tried to survive this playoffs with Fabricio Oberto, Kurt Thomas and Robert Horry as their primary big men. What do they all have in common? Old and stiff. Horry used to be great. But after 0 fg’s in the series versus the Lakers so far, I think its safe to say he should retire. Oberto is decent, but you’d be ecstatic to get even 10 points out of him. Not what you would want out of a starting big man. Thomas can play decent post defense against slow big guys, but against players like Pau Gasol and Lamar Odom he can’t even get on the court.

So what does Coach Pop do during most fourth quarters? He plays small, with 4 perimeter players around Duncan. Tony Parker, Manu Ginobili, Bruce Bowen, and one of either Brent Barry, Michael Finley, and Ime Udoka. The problem with this is two-fold. First off, they get killed on the offensive glass. Especially against a long team like the Lakers who have forwards like Odom, Radmanovic, and Luke Walton who are all bigger and just as quick as the San Antonio smalls forced to play the forward spots. The problem is them compounded by the fact that the Spurs small forward Bruce Bowen guards the Lakers’ shooting guard, forcing Ginobili on the small forward. This basically puts them at a size disadvantage and two positions. And what happened, Walton, Odom, and Radmanovic feasted on the offensive glass.

This brings me to my main point. How did the Spurs get so thin up front. First they let Nazi Muhammed and Fransisco Elson go. Neither are world beaters, but at least they could move their feet and block shots. But more importantly why did they trade Luis Scola for a chicken wing and a new 5 dollar bill to the Houston Rockets before the season started. Mistake? I’d say so. Scola averaged 14 points and 8.5 rebounds after the all-star break (when he finally broke into the lineup) and became the primary scorer on the box for a playoff team. Not only that, but Scola is only 26 and has played for years on the Argentinine National Team with fellow Spurs, Ginobili and Oberto. Scola could hit the open jumper at the top of the key with Timmy on the court, and his presence would have allowed Duncan to get a couple minutes rest. With him not there, Duncan never got to take a little break heading into the fourth quarter of game 4 and he gassed down the stretch and missed some chippies. And honestly its hard to blame him for getting tired after basically putting up 20-20 games for 4 straight games. Scola coulda, shoulda, and woulda given the Spurs a great chance to beat LA. Instead, he will help the Houston Rockets be another team the Spurs must contend with for years to come.

The one hope for Spurs fans is Brazilian big man Tiago Splitter who they drafted at the end of the first round last year. He may be just what the doctor ordered.

Johnny Guns and the Gun Show

Brace yourself, this guy is really serious...
This doesn't have that much to do with sports other than the title of the show being, "Vegas Sports," but I felt that a majority of the audience would get a kick out of this Vegas local.



Take notes.
Word to the wise: Live hard, play hard, stay hard...

WWE Draft Analysis

Yes, this is is a new low for Sports Toilet, but I can't escape my past. I figured I had to be the one to do this even though I know the other columnists on this site enjoyed a figure four leg lock or two in their day.
I haven't really been into the wrestling scene in a while, not since the days of DX, "Stone Cold" Steve Austin and Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson. Last time I tuned in, Hogan and Flair were wrestling, that was in 2007, 20 years after I used to watch tapes of them, hey MacMahon, maybe it's time for some new blood? What do you think?
I used to be a huge fan, like put on the warrior face paint while rocking a Hogan tee, holding a foam 2x4 a la Hacksaw Jim Duggan, Ho!!!
I checked out WWE.com, just to check up, I do this once in a while. The WWE, I guess in attempt to be even more like a real sport, will be holding a draft. I mean the other major contact sports already have the steroids, high priced talent and ESPN turns everything into a drama with stroylines, much like the WWE, so the only thing left to do was have a draft.
I know they have done this before, but according to WWE.com, they are holding a draft now that the WWE is split into different leagues? (RAW, Smackdown, ECW) Odd, I know.
This is cool for the fans I guess, I mean back in the day I would've been down for this, now, I don't really know who's around? I know a few guys, but not enough to compile an entire Mock Draft, so I'm gonna do my Mock Draft from 1988, because this is the anniversary of the first ever single elimination tournament to crown the champ when the belt was relinquished by Hulk Hogan due to a disputed call against Andre the Giant. The Tournament took place at The Trump Casino in Jersey,and ended with Randy Savage walking away with the belt. Fucking sweet!
So I guess if there was a draft in 88, this is probably how it would go...
WWF Mock Draft 88'

1. Hulk Hogan

2. "Macho Man" Randy Savage

3. Andre "the Giant"

4. "The Million Dollar Man" Ted Dibiase
5. Ricky "The Dragon" Steamboat
6. Rick Rude
7. Ultimate Warrior
8. Greg "The Hammer" Valentine
9. The One Man Gang
10. "The Natural" Butch Reed
11. Rowdy Roddy Piper
12. The Honky Tonk Man
13. Bret "Hitman" Hart
14. Bam Bam Bigelow
15. "Bad News" Brown
I tried...

The Howland Effect

Since the end of the Steve Lavin era ::Sigh::, the UCLA Bruins have been riding the Ben Howland train to the top of the rankings, year after year and show no signs of coming down. This year, the Bruins had their best shot at a chip since 1995. They fucked up, again. Not because they were a bad team, they had 3 projected NBA First round picks this year in Luc Richard Mbah A Moute, Kevin Love and Russell Westbrook. That's at least as much talent on paper as the 2005 North Carolina team led by Sean May "Never play in the NBA" and Ray Felton. It takes more than talent to win it all these days and after 3 straight losing efforts in the Final Four, it is Howland's job to figure that shit out.
He's often considered a hardass and too tough on his players. Just ask Josh "I can't shoot a ball into an ocean off the edge of a Battle" Shipp, fucking Mush. Let's pray he's NBDL bound, then we will have a decent shot in 2008. Hardass or not, he's a great coach, he's the best recruiter in the country now and he shoots the double hand T with the best to ever call a time out. He has to be given extra, I have season tickets and I swear the Bruin games have extended an extra hour since the Lavin departure. Following the 2008 Final Four collapse and pretty much every player on the team committing for the draft, it looked like the Bruins had a better chance in 2009 than Kwame Brown palming a basketball. But not so fast, Darren Collison, one of the nations best defenders, passer and 3 point threat is back for his senior season. This would move the prized 5 star recruit, Jrue Holiday to the 2 and together would make up the best back court in the nation. It's the rest of the team that is up in the air. Is Josh Shipp coming back? What about Luc Richard? Is Mike Roll healthy? Was there any point of me asking that last question? Yea? Guess not... One question was answered this week: Is the 5 star recruit, 6'10 center, J'Mison Morgan, originally committed to LSU, UCLA bound? Yes! Now the Bruins have a dominant center weighing in at a whopping 275 lbs.. This was huge considering they also have 2 more four star California bred guards coming in, Maclcom Lee and Jerime Anderson. This gives UCLA the number one recruiting class in the nation with 5 of the top 50 recruits according to rivals.com. But wait, there's more...the Bruins have also added the 6'8" PF out of Oakland, Drew "Too Tall" Gordon. There is also word that Alex Stepheson (UNC) is transferring and Westwood is his top destination. This would make a the Pac -10 almost a lock and they could easily be a top 5 ranking this season and I wouldn't be surprised to see them at #1 overall at some point this season.
Howland should be proud of all he has done so far, but the issue comes back, he needs to find out what it takes to win it all. The Bruins are as young and deep as a USC Trojan sorority girl, but focus and drive is what will put the 2009 team over the hump. It's not in the bag just yet, Arizona and USC will be tough competition having lured in monster recruits Brandon Jennings and Demar Derozen, respectively. I see a three team race, the other 7 are on the outside looking in, sorry Ken. This should be a fun year for college basketball and I see UCLA 8 clapping their way to yet another Final Four, winning it, that's another story. The best part is, this is one more step toward Pac-10 supremacy and I'm sure when ESPN opens it's LA studios and offices, the light will no longer only shine on the ACC. Sorry Dick

Smokin’ Joakim Noah

Ex-Florida Gators great and current NBA rookie for the Chicago Bulls, Joakim Noah, was charged with having an open container of alcohol and for having a joint in his pocket. All I got to say to the Bulls is, you really didn’t see this coming? First of all, just look at what this guy looked like on draft night. Not too professional to say the least, wait a minute, look at his eyes, i think he might be stoned.... Secondly, his father, Yannick Noah, a tennis great from the 70’s was known to have been a toker and as we all know the nut usually doesn’t fall far from the tree.

But what I think is really interesting here, is the fact that after being praised for staying an extra year in college after winning his first National Championship, now we really see what his motives were. Did he turn down big money to stay in school? yes. But did he do that to further his education? I'd say no on that one. I think it had more to do with one more year of toga parties and sorority girls. You really have to wonder. As a recent graduate of USC, I was a personal witness to Matt Leinart coming back one more year to “graduate,” in which time he took home virtually every blonde girl with a pulse from 901 Club (the campus bar).

So you heard it here first. Be suspicious when someone likes college a little too much. I think those one and done kids shouldn’t be so looked down upon. You don’t think OJ Mayo, for all his problems, wants to play ball and be a superstar? Why don’t you sit back, make like Smokin Joakim, and marinate on that for a minute.

Joakim, livin the dream...and a plan for the future

First off, I want to apologize to my two or three fans out there for my long absence. I also see Tolliani posted the same story before I did, but that's just what I get for my lack of new material. I feel like DMX, I came out spitting fire and before long fizzled back to nothingness. "I want to talk about the man, I wouldn't say he's a hero, because what's a hero." I want to talk about a man who was biggest part of the machine that took apart my UCLA Bruins in back to back seasons, in the Final Four, Joakim Noah. The guy was one of the best rebounders I had ever seen in college basketball though I always felt and still think Corey Brewer will be the best player of all the 07' Gators, and will eventually be a dominant fantasy superstar. Not a real superstar because the T-Wolves will never have a chance. While there was always word of "character issues" with Noah, I thought he would somehow pull off a decent pro career. After a run in with Gainesvilles finest, it looks like Noah is in a bit of trouble, boo hoo. The Bull's Power Forward and former lottery pick, was arrested last weekend for drug posession and an open alcohol container. The kid was simply trying to relive the glory days, with his people, what's the harm? I know he's a pro athlete and expected to be a role model, but come on, look at the guy? He's a hero to some, not the kids or conservative, but to the jokers, the smokers and the midnight tokers. I figured he would turn into a cult athlete, a hero for the real people. This guy is the average college student that makes it. He's not a pro athlete, this guy is like you and me but he's doing it on the big stage. This guy reminds me of myself and other friends that would blow trees then go to soccer practice. Somehow he actually got away with it and made it, so now he has all the cash he wants to continue living the dream and I see no signs of him stopping. I respect this, it's like Matt Leinart continuing to live the dream. Matt, who I also despise due to years of Bruin dominance, is more of the Orange County Bro type, with the beer bongs and backwards hats, Noah on the other hand, loves the pot and the occasional 40 oz.. Joakim Noah, one of the most talented college players in years, has yet to make a big impact on the NBA. He has attempted to fight his entire team, his coach, and the law....but the law won. So Jo, if I were you I would at least lay low and chill until your rookie contract is up. The ideal life is attainable, check this: Play your heart out until the contract is up, get mad loot in your free agent off-season and then start the party again. You will definitely get shipped to NY, with all the other giant contract earners that never amount to anything. This is great, you will be home with your posse in Manhattan in no time. You can chill in the cut real hard, listen to Redman, get real heady as you east coast say, and mack it hard in your Escalade. The ideal life is in your hands Joakim, plus your dad has bank just in case it all fails. You mom's smokin, that's good too, I don't know how you came out so ugly, but you are still a hero to many, including myself. We love you here at the sports toilet and we support you efforts in continuing to live the dream...

Orlando Pre-Draft Camp Sleepers

This is the place to come and shine..The place where we find out who just moved up that extra spot into the lottery to make an extra million. Every move and every cut is studied and discussed. GM's and scouts are anxiously watching and reporting back to their respective camps who they think will make the biggest impact. Starting today the infamous Orlando Pre-Draft Camp begins in Orlando, Fl. Here is the full list of participants according to the 4 letter network. The players that are actually participating and playing are those players who are outside of the lottery and looking in. Some players in the mix only have a glimmer of hope looking in from the outside of the 2nd round bubble. All they want is to hear their names called come June. These atheletes need to learn from what fellow LA Laker Jordan Farmar did during this camp and leave it all out on the line. Jordan singly handedly impressed many scouts taking him from an early second rounder into first round money.( Not to mention he wears purple and gold these days.) Here are Shay Shay's quick looks at a few sleepers who will emerge from the pre-draft camp.

1. Tyrone Brazelton- Call him small or overmatched. Call him small town school boy. But sportstoilet fans let me tell you that this kid can ball you up over and over again. He reminds me a bit of Devin Harris character with the 3 point shooting of Steve Nash. Keep an eye out of this kid. I could see him going in the middle of the second round to Indiana at pick #41.

2.Aleks Maric- The kid from Down Under. He could probably school you in hoops then take you to the bar and drink you under the table. He never got the looks of big school because he played in Cornhusker country that sold out their Spring Football game at $95 bucks a ticket. I am sure that many scouts are starting to notice this 6'11" inside force who cleans up boards and puts back the easy buckets. Utah at #44 might be a good fit for this Aussie.

3. J.R. Giddens- My last pick is a true scorer. That is all J.R. knows how to do. At The University of New Mexico, (which I must say is a lovely campus as I visited Albequerque last month) J.R. enjoyed the Lobo Love and the experience of being a senior and knowing how to get the job done. Look for the Lakers to steal Giddens in the second round at #58 this year. Full report of what actually occured in Orlando soon...