A Look Back

Talk about going your seperate ways
Visors really need to make a come back, those things were so fresh, earrings too and pretty much the 90's in general.

New Tyson Documentary

Director, James Toback, fresh off his film's introduction to Cannes, speaks about his chronicles of Mike Tyson. Plenty of footage from Mike's prime and what has happened to Iron Mike since his title reigns. It seems pretty interesting. Anytime you get to see Tyson kicking the shit out of people in the later 80's is just a phenomenal sight. Before he was a canibal and a C list celebrity rapist, this guys fucked up everyone! "Tyson," which is due to be released later this year will surely be a success and hopefully will get Mike on his feet again. Hopefully he doesn't blow all the cash getting the other side of his face tattooed.
Hopefully this revival for Mike will inspire Nintendo Wii to release the third enstallment of the Mike Tyson's Punch Out series. Those games are good, really good.
Check out the video

In other boxing news...
Hasim Rachman has agreed to fight James Toney in July, according to Top Rank.

First Aston Martins, Now Snakes?

Yes, Kobe is at it again. After jumping over an Aston Martin racing towards him on top of a Los Angeles rooftop, he will now take on joins the Jackass guys for some stunts with snakes.
Take a look...

They call me the Turiaf

Heart, Passion, Soul, Fire are some things will never burn out in Mr. Turiaf. That is simply the mantra of one of the SportsToilet's favorite athletes, Ronny Turiaf. We like to call him Turier (Too ree yay) at loud volumes as he dances his way to the Western Conference Championship. The story of this young man from Martinique, is one of perseverance and the will to never to fail. Just 4 weeks after the LA Lakers drafted him from Gonzaga, at pick 37, he was found to have an enlarge heart. I personally remember watching the draft as well as the interview where he broke down and cried in front of the media, i knew right then in their that his heart was what makes him special. I remember Ronny saying the medical breakdown was just another obstacle he would overcome and he did just that, overcome. Now, Ronny Turiaf is in a contract year and playing the best basketball of his life. If only Shay-Shay had a dollar for everytime a player had a breakout season in his contract year. Anyways, this kid is worth the money. He plays with so much passion and love for the game. He single-handedly sparked the Lakers comeback in Game 1 of this year's series against the Spurs. It doesn't show up in the boxscore but the true fans know his value. Most importantly his sideline antics and personality are second to none. Check out the video below to see what I'm talking about. Ronny and his wild dancing and lingo are second to none. So when the summer comes around I look for Ronny to take less and stay in LA as a symbol of thanks for their support through his medical hardships. That's just Ronny being Ronny..

Welcome back Mr.Collins...

I was listening to Dan Patrick early this morning when the story broke that Doug Collins is coming back to coach the Chicago Bulls. Doug, i just want to say how happy I am that I and fellow SportsToilet fans don't have to hear your analysis on TNT anymore. If only we could get Jeff Van Gundy to make it to every game in the playoffs, this world could be a much better place.
Lets break down Doug's decision on why he decided to come back. First, that's just it, FIRST pick in the NBA Draft this summer. As soon as the Bulls stole the #1 pick from other NBA teams in need of the first pick like the Seatlle Supersonics or the Charlotte Bobcats. Doug's people put a call into Chi-town, knowing they needed a big name. Shit, I would put a call in to promote Shay-Shay to be the next coach. It's not like Doug is stepping into a franchise like the Clippers or the Bobcats. Chicago is a loaded team that has not learned how to play in the east. Once Doug and their #1 pick learn how to play semi-normally, they will be a top 3 team in the shitty eastern conference and Doug will ride out on top.

Mr.Collin's wants redemption very badly. After his firing in 1989, the Chicago Bulls started their run in becoming one of the most storied franchises of all time. Under the guidance of the brilliant Phil Jackson, the Bulls were the crowned ,"team of the 90's." Shay Shay wonders if during this time Doug Collin's sat at home and thought ",this should have been me." Now he is making one more run at coaching while Phil Jackson goes for another ring with the purple and gold. Doug Collins was the one who bred Jordan, drafted Pippen and did all the dirty work in his early days with the 80's Bulls. Mr. Collin's is out to prove just one more time why he loves his Chicago Bulls, and maybe why he should have never been fired in the first place. Think of his other option, coaching the Phoenix Suns, I think not.

Then and Now

With the Lakers on the verge of sending the Spurs back to San Antoino empty handed and the Celtics looking like the winners of the minor league championship(The East), it is only fitting to go back to the future. I'm setting the Delorean for 1985 in attempt to hype the probable championship of 2008. The dials are set, the flux capacitor is fluxing, the speed is 88, the jello is jigling, the butter is getting hard and away we go....

Can you S-P-E-L-L Excitement?

Yes, it's that time again folks, the annual Scripps Spelling Bee is just around the corner. The event that should really air on ESPN "The Ocho", will air the Semi-finals on ESPN and the finals will air on ABC! This is a serious fucking red carpet they are rolling out for these prepubescents, don't you think? I know it's better than most ABC reality programming but come on? I didn't know this many paederasts had TVs, aren't they locked up? If I wanted to see four 12 year olds struggling on a stage I'd go to a strip club in Bangkok, Thailand. I have to say, if you are a music head and love celebrities, this is one of the few events that you can catch Michael Jackson and Pee Wee Herman court side taking it in, in shades, like Jack Nicholson and Lou Adler at a Laker game. In all seriousness, I couldn't spell for shit when I was younger and still can't, if you read this site daily you would know this. The kids are under extreme pressure and really give it their all. I don't know how they do it, they have to know like 98% of the English language and they aren't even allowed to use the 7 dirty words that are banned from TV and radio. At least I have that on them. Check here for air times and enjoy the competition.
My pick is the 12-year-old sixth grader, So-Young Iris Chung, out of Peoria, Arizona. Chances are if shecan spell her name right she should be able to spell most of the oddballs they throw at her on Saturday.

Why this year’s Spurs weren’t sharp enough

What was the death knell for the Spurs? With Timmy sliding over to center position, they have tried to survive this playoffs with Fabricio Oberto, Kurt Thomas and Robert Horry as their primary big men. What do they all have in common? Old and stiff. Horry used to be great. But after 0 fg’s in the series versus the Lakers so far, I think its safe to say he should retire. Oberto is decent, but you’d be ecstatic to get even 10 points out of him. Not what you would want out of a starting big man. Thomas can play decent post defense against slow big guys, but against players like Pau Gasol and Lamar Odom he can’t even get on the court.

So what does Coach Pop do during most fourth quarters? He plays small, with 4 perimeter players around Duncan. Tony Parker, Manu Ginobili, Bruce Bowen, and one of either Brent Barry, Michael Finley, and Ime Udoka. The problem with this is two-fold. First off, they get killed on the offensive glass. Especially against a long team like the Lakers who have forwards like Odom, Radmanovic, and Luke Walton who are all bigger and just as quick as the San Antonio smalls forced to play the forward spots. The problem is them compounded by the fact that the Spurs small forward Bruce Bowen guards the Lakers’ shooting guard, forcing Ginobili on the small forward. This basically puts them at a size disadvantage and two positions. And what happened, Walton, Odom, and Radmanovic feasted on the offensive glass.

This brings me to my main point. How did the Spurs get so thin up front. First they let Nazi Muhammed and Fransisco Elson go. Neither are world beaters, but at least they could move their feet and block shots. But more importantly why did they trade Luis Scola for a chicken wing and a new 5 dollar bill to the Houston Rockets before the season started. Mistake? I’d say so. Scola averaged 14 points and 8.5 rebounds after the all-star break (when he finally broke into the lineup) and became the primary scorer on the box for a playoff team. Not only that, but Scola is only 26 and has played for years on the Argentinine National Team with fellow Spurs, Ginobili and Oberto. Scola could hit the open jumper at the top of the key with Timmy on the court, and his presence would have allowed Duncan to get a couple minutes rest. With him not there, Duncan never got to take a little break heading into the fourth quarter of game 4 and he gassed down the stretch and missed some chippies. And honestly its hard to blame him for getting tired after basically putting up 20-20 games for 4 straight games. Scola coulda, shoulda, and woulda given the Spurs a great chance to beat LA. Instead, he will help the Houston Rockets be another team the Spurs must contend with for years to come.

The one hope for Spurs fans is Brazilian big man Tiago Splitter who they drafted at the end of the first round last year. He may be just what the doctor ordered.

Johnny Guns and the Gun Show

Brace yourself, this guy is really serious...
This doesn't have that much to do with sports other than the title of the show being, "Vegas Sports," but I felt that a majority of the audience would get a kick out of this Vegas local.



Take notes.
Word to the wise: Live hard, play hard, stay hard...

WWE Draft Analysis

Yes, this is is a new low for Sports Toilet, but I can't escape my past. I figured I had to be the one to do this even though I know the other columnists on this site enjoyed a figure four leg lock or two in their day.
I haven't really been into the wrestling scene in a while, not since the days of DX, "Stone Cold" Steve Austin and Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson. Last time I tuned in, Hogan and Flair were wrestling, that was in 2007, 20 years after I used to watch tapes of them, hey MacMahon, maybe it's time for some new blood? What do you think?
I used to be a huge fan, like put on the warrior face paint while rocking a Hogan tee, holding a foam 2x4 a la Hacksaw Jim Duggan, Ho!!!
I checked out WWE.com, just to check up, I do this once in a while. The WWE, I guess in attempt to be even more like a real sport, will be holding a draft. I mean the other major contact sports already have the steroids, high priced talent and ESPN turns everything into a drama with stroylines, much like the WWE, so the only thing left to do was have a draft.
I know they have done this before, but according to WWE.com, they are holding a draft now that the WWE is split into different leagues? (RAW, Smackdown, ECW) Odd, I know.
This is cool for the fans I guess, I mean back in the day I would've been down for this, now, I don't really know who's around? I know a few guys, but not enough to compile an entire Mock Draft, so I'm gonna do my Mock Draft from 1988, because this is the anniversary of the first ever single elimination tournament to crown the champ when the belt was relinquished by Hulk Hogan due to a disputed call against Andre the Giant. The Tournament took place at The Trump Casino in Jersey,and ended with Randy Savage walking away with the belt. Fucking sweet!
So I guess if there was a draft in 88, this is probably how it would go...
WWF Mock Draft 88'

1. Hulk Hogan

2. "Macho Man" Randy Savage

3. Andre "the Giant"

4. "The Million Dollar Man" Ted Dibiase
5. Ricky "The Dragon" Steamboat
6. Rick Rude
7. Ultimate Warrior
8. Greg "The Hammer" Valentine
9. The One Man Gang
10. "The Natural" Butch Reed
11. Rowdy Roddy Piper
12. The Honky Tonk Man
13. Bret "Hitman" Hart
14. Bam Bam Bigelow
15. "Bad News" Brown
I tried...

The Howland Effect

Since the end of the Steve Lavin era ::Sigh::, the UCLA Bruins have been riding the Ben Howland train to the top of the rankings, year after year and show no signs of coming down. This year, the Bruins had their best shot at a chip since 1995. They fucked up, again. Not because they were a bad team, they had 3 projected NBA First round picks this year in Luc Richard Mbah A Moute, Kevin Love and Russell Westbrook. That's at least as much talent on paper as the 2005 North Carolina team led by Sean May "Never play in the NBA" and Ray Felton. It takes more than talent to win it all these days and after 3 straight losing efforts in the Final Four, it is Howland's job to figure that shit out.
He's often considered a hardass and too tough on his players. Just ask Josh "I can't shoot a ball into an ocean off the edge of a Battle" Shipp, fucking Mush. Let's pray he's NBDL bound, then we will have a decent shot in 2008. Hardass or not, he's a great coach, he's the best recruiter in the country now and he shoots the double hand T with the best to ever call a time out. He has to be given extra, I have season tickets and I swear the Bruin games have extended an extra hour since the Lavin departure. Following the 2008 Final Four collapse and pretty much every player on the team committing for the draft, it looked like the Bruins had a better chance in 2009 than Kwame Brown palming a basketball. But not so fast, Darren Collison, one of the nations best defenders, passer and 3 point threat is back for his senior season. This would move the prized 5 star recruit, Jrue Holiday to the 2 and together would make up the best back court in the nation. It's the rest of the team that is up in the air. Is Josh Shipp coming back? What about Luc Richard? Is Mike Roll healthy? Was there any point of me asking that last question? Yea? Guess not... One question was answered this week: Is the 5 star recruit, 6'10 center, J'Mison Morgan, originally committed to LSU, UCLA bound? Yes! Now the Bruins have a dominant center weighing in at a whopping 275 lbs.. This was huge considering they also have 2 more four star California bred guards coming in, Maclcom Lee and Jerime Anderson. This gives UCLA the number one recruiting class in the nation with 5 of the top 50 recruits according to rivals.com. But wait, there's more...the Bruins have also added the 6'8" PF out of Oakland, Drew "Too Tall" Gordon. There is also word that Alex Stepheson (UNC) is transferring and Westwood is his top destination. This would make a the Pac -10 almost a lock and they could easily be a top 5 ranking this season and I wouldn't be surprised to see them at #1 overall at some point this season.
Howland should be proud of all he has done so far, but the issue comes back, he needs to find out what it takes to win it all. The Bruins are as young and deep as a USC Trojan sorority girl, but focus and drive is what will put the 2009 team over the hump. It's not in the bag just yet, Arizona and USC will be tough competition having lured in monster recruits Brandon Jennings and Demar Derozen, respectively. I see a three team race, the other 7 are on the outside looking in, sorry Ken. This should be a fun year for college basketball and I see UCLA 8 clapping their way to yet another Final Four, winning it, that's another story. The best part is, this is one more step toward Pac-10 supremacy and I'm sure when ESPN opens it's LA studios and offices, the light will no longer only shine on the ACC. Sorry Dick

Smokin’ Joakim Noah

Ex-Florida Gators great and current NBA rookie for the Chicago Bulls, Joakim Noah, was charged with having an open container of alcohol and for having a joint in his pocket. All I got to say to the Bulls is, you really didn’t see this coming? First of all, just look at what this guy looked like on draft night. Not too professional to say the least, wait a minute, look at his eyes, i think he might be stoned.... Secondly, his father, Yannick Noah, a tennis great from the 70’s was known to have been a toker and as we all know the nut usually doesn’t fall far from the tree.

But what I think is really interesting here, is the fact that after being praised for staying an extra year in college after winning his first National Championship, now we really see what his motives were. Did he turn down big money to stay in school? yes. But did he do that to further his education? I'd say no on that one. I think it had more to do with one more year of toga parties and sorority girls. You really have to wonder. As a recent graduate of USC, I was a personal witness to Matt Leinart coming back one more year to “graduate,” in which time he took home virtually every blonde girl with a pulse from 901 Club (the campus bar).

So you heard it here first. Be suspicious when someone likes college a little too much. I think those one and done kids shouldn’t be so looked down upon. You don’t think OJ Mayo, for all his problems, wants to play ball and be a superstar? Why don’t you sit back, make like Smokin Joakim, and marinate on that for a minute.

Joakim, livin the dream...and a plan for the future

First off, I want to apologize to my two or three fans out there for my long absence. I also see Tolliani posted the same story before I did, but that's just what I get for my lack of new material. I feel like DMX, I came out spitting fire and before long fizzled back to nothingness. "I want to talk about the man, I wouldn't say he's a hero, because what's a hero." I want to talk about a man who was biggest part of the machine that took apart my UCLA Bruins in back to back seasons, in the Final Four, Joakim Noah. The guy was one of the best rebounders I had ever seen in college basketball though I always felt and still think Corey Brewer will be the best player of all the 07' Gators, and will eventually be a dominant fantasy superstar. Not a real superstar because the T-Wolves will never have a chance. While there was always word of "character issues" with Noah, I thought he would somehow pull off a decent pro career. After a run in with Gainesvilles finest, it looks like Noah is in a bit of trouble, boo hoo. The Bull's Power Forward and former lottery pick, was arrested last weekend for drug posession and an open alcohol container. The kid was simply trying to relive the glory days, with his people, what's the harm? I know he's a pro athlete and expected to be a role model, but come on, look at the guy? He's a hero to some, not the kids or conservative, but to the jokers, the smokers and the midnight tokers. I figured he would turn into a cult athlete, a hero for the real people. This guy is the average college student that makes it. He's not a pro athlete, this guy is like you and me but he's doing it on the big stage. This guy reminds me of myself and other friends that would blow trees then go to soccer practice. Somehow he actually got away with it and made it, so now he has all the cash he wants to continue living the dream and I see no signs of him stopping. I respect this, it's like Matt Leinart continuing to live the dream. Matt, who I also despise due to years of Bruin dominance, is more of the Orange County Bro type, with the beer bongs and backwards hats, Noah on the other hand, loves the pot and the occasional 40 oz.. Joakim Noah, one of the most talented college players in years, has yet to make a big impact on the NBA. He has attempted to fight his entire team, his coach, and the law....but the law won. So Jo, if I were you I would at least lay low and chill until your rookie contract is up. The ideal life is attainable, check this: Play your heart out until the contract is up, get mad loot in your free agent off-season and then start the party again. You will definitely get shipped to NY, with all the other giant contract earners that never amount to anything. This is great, you will be home with your posse in Manhattan in no time. You can chill in the cut real hard, listen to Redman, get real heady as you east coast say, and mack it hard in your Escalade. The ideal life is in your hands Joakim, plus your dad has bank just in case it all fails. You mom's smokin, that's good too, I don't know how you came out so ugly, but you are still a hero to many, including myself. We love you here at the sports toilet and we support you efforts in continuing to live the dream...

Orlando Pre-Draft Camp Sleepers

This is the place to come and shine..The place where we find out who just moved up that extra spot into the lottery to make an extra million. Every move and every cut is studied and discussed. GM's and scouts are anxiously watching and reporting back to their respective camps who they think will make the biggest impact. Starting today the infamous Orlando Pre-Draft Camp begins in Orlando, Fl. Here is the full list of participants according to the 4 letter network. The players that are actually participating and playing are those players who are outside of the lottery and looking in. Some players in the mix only have a glimmer of hope looking in from the outside of the 2nd round bubble. All they want is to hear their names called come June. These atheletes need to learn from what fellow LA Laker Jordan Farmar did during this camp and leave it all out on the line. Jordan singly handedly impressed many scouts taking him from an early second rounder into first round money.( Not to mention he wears purple and gold these days.) Here are Shay Shay's quick looks at a few sleepers who will emerge from the pre-draft camp.

1. Tyrone Brazelton- Call him small or overmatched. Call him small town school boy. But sportstoilet fans let me tell you that this kid can ball you up over and over again. He reminds me a bit of Devin Harris character with the 3 point shooting of Steve Nash. Keep an eye out of this kid. I could see him going in the middle of the second round to Indiana at pick #41.

2.Aleks Maric- The kid from Down Under. He could probably school you in hoops then take you to the bar and drink you under the table. He never got the looks of big school because he played in Cornhusker country that sold out their Spring Football game at $95 bucks a ticket. I am sure that many scouts are starting to notice this 6'11" inside force who cleans up boards and puts back the easy buckets. Utah at #44 might be a good fit for this Aussie.

3. J.R. Giddens- My last pick is a true scorer. That is all J.R. knows how to do. At The University of New Mexico, (which I must say is a lovely campus as I visited Albequerque last month) J.R. enjoyed the Lobo Love and the experience of being a senior and knowing how to get the job done. Look for the Lakers to steal Giddens in the second round at #58 this year. Full report of what actually occured in Orlando soon...

At the Stadium--Chavez Ravine

The Jar made the drive through Silver Lake and up the Elysian Parkway to Chavez Ravine (a.k.a Dodger Stadium or the Latrine) last night to catch the Doyers play the St. Louis Cardinals. This had the makings of a great ballgame. Two teams above 500 battling it out during Memorial Day Weekend for a better position to make the playoffs as the wild card, or by winning their respective division. Too bad the Jar's experience was cut short. Thanks Swartz. Although The Jar doesn't think he deserved the boot. To understand, I first have to tell you about one of the main traditions of fans at Dodger games (other than leaving in the 7th to beat traffic): bring an inflatible beach ball to the stadium and hit it around amongst other fans. It's a guarantee that at any Dodgers game you go to you will see at least 10 - 15 beach balls come to you or in your vicinity. It is also a guarantee that wherever there is a beach ball there will be an usher trying to chase it down to deflate and stop the fun. Fans then heckle usher. It's a given at Chavez Ravine. So 2nd inning of yesterday's game, one of the ushers who looked like the pimply-faced kid with a cracked voice in The Simpsons had just taken the beach ball and as he was walking up the aisle Swartz threw popcorn at him (The Jar wishes he had pictures or video footage of the event). Next thing I know, security takes him away and the next time I saw him, he was standing outside of the stadium. What a degenerate? Still, the Jar got to take in the Dodgers wasting a two on and one out in the first as well as 4 runs scored by St. Louis in the 3rd--which turned out to be the only runs scored in the game. Final Score: St. Lous 4 Dodgers 0. And the Dodgers and twice has many hits, they just couldn't pull through with men on...something that has plagued them for the last...oh, I dunno...2 decades or so.

One last funny thought about the game: right before security informed The Jar that General Swartzkopf was ejected from the game, a beach ball was making it's rounds through the crowdm when a Cardinals fan who was sitting right behind me stood up to catch the ball, and proceeded to deflate it. Kids were begging him not too and his wife even asked him not too, but he didn't care. (The Jar wishes Swartz was still there because he probably would have dumped the rest of his popcorn on this degenerate from St. Louis. ) And right as the ball was just about deflated, a 10 year old kid two rows in front stands up and and yells at the deflator (who was decked out in red Cards garb), "That's why St. Louis sucks!" Like Randy Newman said, "I love LA"

Here are some of the Jar's personal pics from the game:

What a beautiful ticket. Dodger legend Sandy Koufax. Thanks again Reid. And when the Jar got home from the game, The Big Lebowski was on TV right at the rant by Walter Sobchak when he says "3,000 years of beautiful history from Moses to Sandy Koufax, you're goddamn right I'm living in the past!" Kinda sums up the current sentiment felt by Dodgers fans: living in the past. There hasn't been a meaningful Dodger moment in 19 years, 226 days and counting according to dodgerblues.com.

Is this really what a Dodgers #1 fan would wear?

General Swartzkopf. This was his face before getting kicked out of the stadium. I should have known things were going to go downhill from here.

What is this? The USC Doyers? Disgraceful.

That's more like it

Bad Ass

Seeing Canter's Deli at Dodger Stadium makes the Jar smile. A couple from Texas was standing in front of us in line and had never heard of matzo ball soup.

"The Fairfax" from Canter's. Delicious. Swartz was all thumbs up when housing this delectable half corned beef/half pastrami treat. It would only get worse from here.

Albert "Winnie the" Pujols to bat. Brad "I'm only 5-5 this season" Penny pitcthing. The Jar really needs a new camera...the zoom on this one sucks...

What other stadium in the world would you find an advertisement for Las Vegas and have someone like The Jar thinking: Hey, Vegas is only a few hours away, if we leave now, we can get there by midnight

If you look at the top of the picture you can see the beach ball that the crowd below is reaching up to hit.

Unfortunately, The Jar did not get to eat a Dodger Dog on this edition of "At the Stadium" due to the early exit. There is always next time. The Jar will be sure to bring someone who doesn't eat popcorn,

UFC 84 Preview and Picks

Main Event: Lightweight Title Match

BJ Penn (13-4-1) Vs Sean Sherk (35-2-1)

Sean “the muscle shark” Sherk is just back off suspension for steroids. Before the suspension had successfully defended his championship belt numerous times, but one has to wonder how much that extra power came into play. His only losses in his career are to George St Pierre and to Matt Hughes to give you an idea how good he is. Sherk is a ground and pound machine and has great cardio. He will try to lay on Penn for the 5 rounds and try to get his belt back by decision.

For those unfamiliar with MMA, BJ Penn is like the Rasheed Wallace of UFC. All the talent in the world earned him the nickname “the Prodigy,” however after winning his first UFC title at age 19 he got full of himself, over weight and lost in a couple matches where he was in control in the beginning and gassed in the later rounds. Penn is a black belt in Brazilian Jiu Jitsu, and is the superior striker.

Prediction: I think either Penn wins by TKO or submission in the second round. Sherk looks skinnier since his steroid suspension, and one has to wonder if he will feel quite as strong without that extra juice.

Undercard:

Wanderlei Silva (31-8-1) vs Keith Jardine (13-4-1)

Silva is the “Axe-Murderer,” but he is way past it. He looked old and slow in his last bout versus Chuck Liddel and Liddel was just dominated by Jardine. I look for Jardine to use leg kicks to wear down Silva, and the fight to most likely end in a TKO one way or the other in the third round. Both of these guys like to exchange and aren’t scared to mix it up, but Jardine is usually a little more intelligent about it. I know the UFC is trying to set up Silva to return to form and then take on the winner of Rampage vs Forrest Griffin, but I like Jardine in this one.

Tito Ortiz (16-5-1) vs Lyoto Machida (12-0-0)


Lyoto Machida is one of the least known but best fighters in the world. He has a very methodical style that is unpopular among some fans but the fact is he always gets the job done.

Ortiz of course is a fan favorite and dating Jenna Jameson which is almost as impressive as anything he has ever done inside the octagon. Ortiz got totally dicked by the egomaniacal Dana White who didn’t like the fact that Ortiz was almost as big as the UFC itself, so with Ortiz in the final bout of his UFC contract, White tried to feed him to the “Dragon” which happens to be Machida’s Nickname. I think that while Machida has to be favored because of his youth and overwhelming victories in his last few fights, Ortiz may just hate Dana White enough to be able to pull this one out.

Prediction: Machida by split decision.


Final Thoughts: Thiago Silva, one of my personal favorite fighters, and one to keep an eye on for the future is also fighting on this card. He fights at 205 and is just a beast athletically. You might remember him out beasting Houston Alexander the last time he fought. He also has the look of a killer, and I think an impressive win should put him only one or two more victories from title shot consideration. I know the light heavyweight division is filled with contenders, Liddel, Wanderlei, Jardine, Griffin, Machida, Rashad Evans, etc, however I think Thiago Silva might just be the best of the bunch. Check him out.

The Boston Massacre

Yeah, I’m calling it. Boston is done. Trust me; I want to tell you that we’re going to get to witness a Lakers vs. Celtics finals. But of course, I’d be lying to you. And here at sportstoilet.com, we like to give you the shit straight, no bullshit. There is a reason why the Pistons have made it to six straight Eastern Conference Finals in a row. They play as a team. And it makes sense that a group of guys playing collectively can outplay a couple of talented players recently strung together. Detroit’s team plays so well as a unit. There offense and defense so organized. Each guy knows what they are and aren’t supposed to do. They attack and defend as a whole. Their bench this year is second only to that of the Lakers; they are absolutely great, lead by Jason Maxiell and Rodney Stuckey. The Celtics on the other hand have what on paper seems as more talent. There trio of Pierce, Garnett, and Jesus Shuttlesworth a.k.a Ray Allen must be respected and feared. They also have a great promising young point guard and solid bench players. They seem to have great team chemistry for a team just recently assembled; however you can’t compare their unity to that of the Pistons. The Detroit Pistons’ leaders have been together for a lot longer. And have battled side by side at the highest level as well as tasted overall victory before. Therefore I am convinced the Pistons have this series won.
Of course it helps that Saunders is calling every play, especially when his rival is so “sub-par”. Doc Rivers is too bad a coach to now how get his team back on track. If he couldn’t get his guys to beat the wild Atlanta Hawks in Atlanta, (or the Lebrons for that matter,) what would make anyone else think he could beat the Pistons at The Palace of Auburn Hills? The Celtics only hope was that home court advantage in the playoffs; now that’s gone. Doc has no idea what to do right now. He has never known what to do. Even with Billups not at one hundred percent Detroits got this one in the bag… I’m so certain that the Pistons have this series won; I think Coach Saunders should make Rasheed Wallace get two technicals in the closing minutes of game 3 and get his looming suspension out of the way on game 4. This way, the Pistons don’t have to worry about the bad boy missing a game in the NBA Finals. Jason Maxiell would easily step in for Wallace and that Piston train will keep on rolling. I wouldn’t be surprised if Maxiell forced KG into a bad game. That kid can flat out ball. On behalf of sportstoilet.com I’d like to welcome the Detroit Pistons to the NBA Finals.

Mr. Kershaw, Please Stand Up

The next Sandy Koufax, the Savior of Dodger Blue, the future of MLB pitching. SportsToilet fans I would like to introduce to you Clayton Edward Kershaw. Clay is the 21 year old phenom prospect who is currently pitching for the L.A. Dodgers Double A affliate. The word on the street through several credible sources and rumblings around the MLB and in local MLB papers is that he will be called up to join the depleted L.A. Dodger pitching staff as early as the upcoming week.

Finally Dodger fans, Finally. It is about time we find out if these youngsters that the organization refused to trade in previous years is as good as advertised. Clay looks like the real deal but we don't want him to become the next Darren Dreifort. With a fastball in the mid 90's to a nasty curve in the mid 70's, this kid is the best thing to come to Chavez Ravene since Sandy Koufax. Dodger fans turn on the television and listen as Vin Scully tells his story about the kid they call Clay.

A Salute to Chris Cooley

The Jar is impressed with Chris Cooley today. Look at this girl he coaxed to marry him. And look at him. I guess there is a reason he prefers wearing a helmet. He kind of looks like a roided out version of my old roomate Chris Masheykh. Although my roomate Chris is definitely a lot shadier...last I heard he was a car salesman.

Chris Cooley is legit. He even wrote a blog about his upcoming wedding this Friday. Check it out here. And he is a great TE option in fantasy football. I won my fantasy league in 2004 when I picked him up right before he broke out in the 2nd half of the season. And even though last year was a down year for The Jar in fantasy football land, one of the few bright spots was high jacking Mr. Cooley from J Tolliani. In his first 4 years in the NFL, Cooley has been the Skins most reliable receiver. And it appears as though he is only starting to reach his potential. Last year was Cooley's best stastical season with 8 touchdowns and 786 yards. The Jar only hopes that his jaw dropping wife (who was formerly a Skins cheerleader until she got kicked off the squad for dating Cooley) will not distract him in the upcoming seasons. Otherwise, he is poised to be a perennial Pro Bowler in the NFC.

The Jar became even more impressed when he learned that the Cool Man (I just made that up, but if it isn't his nickname, it should be) came from somewhere not so cool. Logan, Utah. A Mormon town of 40,000+. The Jar questions his decision to stay in Logan to play for the Utah State Aggies in college, but hey, the guy made it work. He got drafted in the third round of the 2004 draft and the rest is history. And for all this Cool Man, The Jar salutes you

Stanley Cup Finals Preview

Yes folks, the puck is still in action. For those of you who have not stopped listening to Jeff Van Gundy aka Ron Jeremy rip jokes on the set, I want to take your attention towards the ice where something truly special is happening. 20 year old phenom Sidney Crosby has guided his revamped Pittsburgh Penguins to the Stanley Cup Finals. This young canuck has taken all that inexperience junk and flushed it down the toilet. But his challenge is one of great heights and one I believe will be too tough to overcome.

It seems year after year the Detroit Red Wings are in the thick of a Stanley Cup race. If they don't win the cup their season is a failure. From their days of Steve Yzerman and Scotty Bowman, Detroit has always been Hockeytown. This will be one lesson Sid The Kid will learn when the puck drops Saturday, and his emotions will fly too high and will get the best of him. This is actually one pick in which I hope he proves me wrong because hockey has desperately needed something like this for so so so long. Some Americans still think Hockey should be on a lockout and never be played again. Playoff hockey is unbeatable and the action is fierce. Here is a good example.

A few weeks back T-Hirsh and Shay Shay went to the local sports bar to watch Game 7 of the Boston Bruins taking on the Montreal Canadians. There sitting at the bar we saw what playoff hockey was all about. In one seat we had a diehard Montreal fan. Quiet and suttle like Canadians are, but ready for his team to score and explode into a French frenzy. Then next to him we had the Boston Bruin fan. This kid was a wicked hardcore fan. Everytime his players were chasing Montreal players he would yell outloud in the bar "kill him." Yeah this guy was down. And throughout the game everytime Montreal scored on their way to victory he began to talk about how the Red Sox won that day. He had given up and let go for his season was just over. As observers, this battle is one that we enjoyed watching and will never forget. It is a story for whichever city you are from, you always believe they are the best at whatever they do and nobody can take that away from you. On a side note, I urge you to take a moment to watch some of these cup finals and enjoy what the future of the NHL will be like under Sid the Kid.

The Black Mamba Strikes Again

The San Antonio spurs thought they had game one in hand. They were up by 20 points midway through the third quarter. They had gotten delayed at the airport the night before and were pretty tired, and maybe they relaxed. But that is just want the black mamba wanted them to do. And then he struck.

Bryant scored 25 of his 27 points in the second half, and led the Lakers to a huge comeback victory. There were other good signs for the Lakers as well. The Machine hit some big shots and free throws and Jordan Farmar finally made a decent play or two. Not only that, but they managed to win a game in which Lamar Odom struggled and where Kobe only took 3 shots in the first half.

This game kind of reminded me of game 1 of the Spurs vs Suns series. Where the home team had no business winning, but somehow pulled it off, and gained a huge huge emotional edge going into game 2. If the Lakers win game two, I could see them winning the series in 5 games. Did I mention Phil Jackson is 40-0 in series in which his team wins game 1?

The NOT-MOCK DRAFT (first 10 picks)

On most websites, people attempt to guess what players each team will select on draft night. But here at the sports toilet we flush that idea down the tubes, and we explain who each team SHOULD select and why.

1. Chicago Bulls – If they do not want to trade on draft day they should select Michael Beasley and pair him up front with worker bee Joakim Noah. This finally gives the Bulls a low post option and gives more room for shooters like Kirk Hinrich and Ben Gordon who struggled last year. .

That leaves them with a lineup of Hinrich, Larry Hughes, Luol Deng, Beasley, and Noah, with Gordon, Thabo Sefolosha, Andres Nocioni, Tyrus Thomas, and Drew Gooden as the second unit. Not bad. Next move, get a coach.

With a legitimate scoring option down low, they would have they ability to trade Drew Gooden (and his $6.5 million expiring contract) along with Gordon or Hinrich or even Thomas to try to upgrade the point guard position. Jose Calderon anybody?

Note: I think Rose would be a solid pick here as well, however, it is less likely that Gooden and Hinrich could land a low post scorer the quality of a Beasley. And as good as Rose is, he isn’t winning a title without a low post scorer better than Gooden. Even Lebron couldn’t do that.

2. Miami Heat – The Miami Heat should pick Derrick Rose and be very very happy. Let’s just imagine suiting up Rose, next to Dwyane Wade. Then imagine apposing teams figuring out who their point guard is going to guard.

That leaves the Heat with a lineup of Rose, Wade, Shawn Marion, Udonis Haslem, and Mark Blount. They clearly need to upgrade the overall talent of the team, that last year maybe would have lost to the LA Sparks, but this would certainly be a good start. Let’s hope the new coach decides to turn up the tempo.

3. Minnesota Timberwolves – Some franchises just have no luck. The Wolves cannot get anything of value here. They have young promising players at every position and honestly need to get some veterans. How bout the 3rd pick and Corey Brewer/Rashad McCants for a real scorer or a point guard? If no trade can be conjured up, with a gun to my head, I pick the player with the most star potential left on the board. OJ Mayo. I know I know, he has no morals, he doesn’t fill a need, but face it, he has the sweetest jumper in college basketball and can fill it up. He immediately becomes your second best player. Then you hope either he or former 1st round pick Randy Foye can figure out how to play point guard. You would have to give strong consideration to Brook Lopez here because you need a center, but there is no way he is worth the 3rd pick as his ceiling is not as high.

That leaves the Timberwolves with a lineup of Foye, Mayo, Brewer, Ryan Gomes, and Al Jefferson. They should try to sign another big man with the midlevel exception and hope for the best.

4. Seattle Supersonics – You have a brand new shiny 2 guard and small forward. You need help everywhere else. Where do you go? I think you take Jerryd Bayless. There isn’t a world beater as a big man in this draft, and you’ve taken a project center 3 out of the last 4 drafts. How much did Johan Petro, Robert Swift, and Mohammed Sene pan out? I thought so. You think about Lopez, DeAndre Jordan, and Kevin Love, and then you pick Bayless. After trading away Delonte West to get Szczerbiak off your books, take Bayless and tell Luke Ridnour to alternate between eating and lifting weights 24 hours a day for the next year, and maybe he can get 10 minutes off the bench.

Potential Lineup: Bayless, Kevin Durant, Jeff Green, Chris Wilcox, One of those centers I mentioned or Nick Collison.

5. Memphis Grizzlies – You have 3 young point guards, a great shooter in Mike Miller at the 2, Rudy Gay at the 3, Hakeem Warrick at the 4, and a black hole in the middle after giving away Pau Gasol. Since I don’t think you want to start either Kwame Brown or Darko Milicic, I think you finally reach for a big guy here. I finally think this is where Brook Lopez gets off the board. The kid has offensive skills and actually kind of reminds me of Pau Gasol as far as his advanced skillset. I bring in Pau’s brother Marc Gasol in from Spain and let him compete for the starting spot at the 5. By the way, did I mention the Kwame trade gave them full cap space. Looking over at sportstoilet's own T Hirsh's free agent list I think a run at Elton Brand or Josh Smith might be tempting as well.

Lineup: Mike Conley, Miller, Gay, Warrick, Lopez/Gasol.

6. New York Knicks – Mike D’Antoni likes shooters. Donnie Walsh takes Eric Gordon. He trades away cancer ( Eddy Curry and Stephon Marbury).

Lineup: Jamal Crawford, Gordon, Quentin Richardson, David Lee, Zach Randolph.

7. Los Angeles Clippers – I would draft Russel Westbrook to play shooting guard. Rsign Elton Brand. Then I would let Corey Maggette walk in free agency and make a run at Baron Davis or Gilbert Arenas (two LA natives). This would make a very intriguing team.

Potential Lineup: Arenas/Davis, Westbrook, Al Thornton, Brand, Chris Kaman.

8. Milwakee Bucks – The Bucks are a team that looks good on paper but not in person. They get physically manhandled and seem to lack toughness. Even if he isn’t the greatest player on earth, I think Kevin Love is a perfect fit here. He provides the bumping and grinding that Andrew Bogut, Charlie Villaneuva, and the “Chairman” Yi do not like to participate in.

Potential Lineup: Mo Williams, Michael Redd, Yi, Love, Bogut.

9. Charlotte Bobcats – They need size in the worst way possible. From what I can tell Emeka Okafor is a really really nice guy. But he’s not an NBA center on a playoff team. He is a power forward. You need a center. You take the one with the most potential. DeAndre Jordan. I would couple this pick by unhiring Larry Brown. What a bad move. He doesn’t play young guys. He won’t develop rookies and he will waste your pick no matter what you do. He will probably ask you to take Hibbert. He sucks. Don’t fall for it. He’s slower than global warming. (I’m keeping my fingers crossed that Jordan isn’t the next Kwame Brown, I’m actually already considering Robin Lopez, but no, no I take Jordan. If nothing else he has the same last name as team president Michael Jordan…yeah yeah, great pick)

Lineup: Raymond Felton, Jason Richardson, Gerald Wallace, Emeka Okafor, D’Andre Jordan.

10. New Jersey Nets – I have heard a lot about this kid Gallinari from Italy, but after his countrywoman Andrea Barganini has showed such softness, and the fact that I’ve never seen him play, I take Darrel Arthur. He showed he can be a team player, hit open shots, and he played big in big games. He kind of reminds me of a Udonis Haslem type. The main need from New Jersey is to trade Jefferson or Carter and create cap space to go after Lebron/Wade in 2010. Sources at the sportstoilet have also been hearing a lot of crap about a possible trade for Carmelo Anthony. I think no matter who they draft here, they are not starting next year, as there are not too many other impact players left on the board.

Lineup: Devin Harris, Vince Carter, Richard Jefferson, Sean Williams, Nenad Krstic

At the Stadium--Tropicana Field

The Jar was fortunate enough to get free all you can eat/drink tickets for the Tampa Bay Rays - Yankees game last week (thanks Bosley). Free beer and hot dogs. The jar is happy. Plus I thought it fitting that the first segment of "At the Stadium" take place watching a team perennially in the Sports Toilet. Well, actually not this year as well documented by Shay Shay. But generally speaking...yes. The Rays are the only expansion team to have never made the playoffs (Marlins, D-Backs, Rockies being the other three) and are one of only four teams to have never played in the world series (the others: the Nats, Mariners and Rangers). But that was the past. That was the Tampa Bay DEVIL Rays. They dropped the devil, dropped the neon colors (which I actually thought were pretty cool) and also dropped their losing ways. They are now simply the Tampa Bay Rays. Instead of a manta ray, their logo is a sunburst. Owner Stuart Steinberg said that the new Ray logo represents "a beacon that radiates throughout Tampa Bay and across the entire state of Florida." How special? But tell me this, would you rather have this logo:



Or this?



I rest my case. Still the change of name has added a burst of sunlight to their play, and the Rays currently have a Top 5 record in the MLB. And wouldn't you know it, on my first trip to the Tropicana Spaceship, the Rays handily defeated the Bronx Bombers. Scott Kazmir was lights out. The Yanks couldn't touch him--only 3 hits in 6 innings. And while the Rays cruised to victory, the Jar took in the ambience of a pro ball game in Tampa (with some pictures to prove it!):

Tropicana field kind of looks like a spaceship. Or maybe a slightly tilted toilet. Fitting that my picture of the stadium has a port-a-potty in front of it.

This about sums up the typical Rays fan. The most flip flops that I've ever seen at a stadium too.

Still it was nice to have some Rays At Your Service (the acronym for ushers). The nice lady in our section kept bringing the Jar free beers.

You would think that a team named the Rays, as in ray of sunlight that brightens everyone's day and blah blah blah...wouldn't play in a dome blocking the rays from getting in. Guess not

And why is the turf discolored? They are playing in a dome!

Does this make you want some orange juice?

And of course, they had mascot race...though not with brats...this one was sponsored by Pepsi. The Pepsi bottle won naturally.