At the Stadium--Chavez Ravine

The Jar made the drive through Silver Lake and up the Elysian Parkway to Chavez Ravine (a.k.a Dodger Stadium or the Latrine) last night to catch the Doyers play the St. Louis Cardinals. This had the makings of a great ballgame. Two teams above 500 battling it out during Memorial Day Weekend for a better position to make the playoffs as the wild card, or by winning their respective division. Too bad the Jar's experience was cut short. Thanks Swartz. Although The Jar doesn't think he deserved the boot. To understand, I first have to tell you about one of the main traditions of fans at Dodger games (other than leaving in the 7th to beat traffic): bring an inflatible beach ball to the stadium and hit it around amongst other fans. It's a guarantee that at any Dodgers game you go to you will see at least 10 - 15 beach balls come to you or in your vicinity. It is also a guarantee that wherever there is a beach ball there will be an usher trying to chase it down to deflate and stop the fun. Fans then heckle usher. It's a given at Chavez Ravine. So 2nd inning of yesterday's game, one of the ushers who looked like the pimply-faced kid with a cracked voice in The Simpsons had just taken the beach ball and as he was walking up the aisle Swartz threw popcorn at him (The Jar wishes he had pictures or video footage of the event). Next thing I know, security takes him away and the next time I saw him, he was standing outside of the stadium. What a degenerate? Still, the Jar got to take in the Dodgers wasting a two on and one out in the first as well as 4 runs scored by St. Louis in the 3rd--which turned out to be the only runs scored in the game. Final Score: St. Lous 4 Dodgers 0. And the Dodgers and twice has many hits, they just couldn't pull through with men on...something that has plagued them for the last...oh, I dunno...2 decades or so.

One last funny thought about the game: right before security informed The Jar that General Swartzkopf was ejected from the game, a beach ball was making it's rounds through the crowdm when a Cardinals fan who was sitting right behind me stood up to catch the ball, and proceeded to deflate it. Kids were begging him not too and his wife even asked him not too, but he didn't care. (The Jar wishes Swartz was still there because he probably would have dumped the rest of his popcorn on this degenerate from St. Louis. ) And right as the ball was just about deflated, a 10 year old kid two rows in front stands up and and yells at the deflator (who was decked out in red Cards garb), "That's why St. Louis sucks!" Like Randy Newman said, "I love LA"

Here are some of the Jar's personal pics from the game:

What a beautiful ticket. Dodger legend Sandy Koufax. Thanks again Reid. And when the Jar got home from the game, The Big Lebowski was on TV right at the rant by Walter Sobchak when he says "3,000 years of beautiful history from Moses to Sandy Koufax, you're goddamn right I'm living in the past!" Kinda sums up the current sentiment felt by Dodgers fans: living in the past. There hasn't been a meaningful Dodger moment in 19 years, 226 days and counting according to dodgerblues.com.

Is this really what a Dodgers #1 fan would wear?

General Swartzkopf. This was his face before getting kicked out of the stadium. I should have known things were going to go downhill from here.

What is this? The USC Doyers? Disgraceful.

That's more like it

Bad Ass

Seeing Canter's Deli at Dodger Stadium makes the Jar smile. A couple from Texas was standing in front of us in line and had never heard of matzo ball soup.

"The Fairfax" from Canter's. Delicious. Swartz was all thumbs up when housing this delectable half corned beef/half pastrami treat. It would only get worse from here.

Albert "Winnie the" Pujols to bat. Brad "I'm only 5-5 this season" Penny pitcthing. The Jar really needs a new camera...the zoom on this one sucks...

What other stadium in the world would you find an advertisement for Las Vegas and have someone like The Jar thinking: Hey, Vegas is only a few hours away, if we leave now, we can get there by midnight

If you look at the top of the picture you can see the beach ball that the crowd below is reaching up to hit.

Unfortunately, The Jar did not get to eat a Dodger Dog on this edition of "At the Stadium" due to the early exit. There is always next time. The Jar will be sure to bring someone who doesn't eat popcorn,

UFC 84 Preview and Picks

Main Event: Lightweight Title Match

BJ Penn (13-4-1) Vs Sean Sherk (35-2-1)

Sean “the muscle shark” Sherk is just back off suspension for steroids. Before the suspension had successfully defended his championship belt numerous times, but one has to wonder how much that extra power came into play. His only losses in his career are to George St Pierre and to Matt Hughes to give you an idea how good he is. Sherk is a ground and pound machine and has great cardio. He will try to lay on Penn for the 5 rounds and try to get his belt back by decision.

For those unfamiliar with MMA, BJ Penn is like the Rasheed Wallace of UFC. All the talent in the world earned him the nickname “the Prodigy,” however after winning his first UFC title at age 19 he got full of himself, over weight and lost in a couple matches where he was in control in the beginning and gassed in the later rounds. Penn is a black belt in Brazilian Jiu Jitsu, and is the superior striker.

Prediction: I think either Penn wins by TKO or submission in the second round. Sherk looks skinnier since his steroid suspension, and one has to wonder if he will feel quite as strong without that extra juice.

Undercard:

Wanderlei Silva (31-8-1) vs Keith Jardine (13-4-1)

Silva is the “Axe-Murderer,” but he is way past it. He looked old and slow in his last bout versus Chuck Liddel and Liddel was just dominated by Jardine. I look for Jardine to use leg kicks to wear down Silva, and the fight to most likely end in a TKO one way or the other in the third round. Both of these guys like to exchange and aren’t scared to mix it up, but Jardine is usually a little more intelligent about it. I know the UFC is trying to set up Silva to return to form and then take on the winner of Rampage vs Forrest Griffin, but I like Jardine in this one.

Tito Ortiz (16-5-1) vs Lyoto Machida (12-0-0)


Lyoto Machida is one of the least known but best fighters in the world. He has a very methodical style that is unpopular among some fans but the fact is he always gets the job done.

Ortiz of course is a fan favorite and dating Jenna Jameson which is almost as impressive as anything he has ever done inside the octagon. Ortiz got totally dicked by the egomaniacal Dana White who didn’t like the fact that Ortiz was almost as big as the UFC itself, so with Ortiz in the final bout of his UFC contract, White tried to feed him to the “Dragon” which happens to be Machida’s Nickname. I think that while Machida has to be favored because of his youth and overwhelming victories in his last few fights, Ortiz may just hate Dana White enough to be able to pull this one out.

Prediction: Machida by split decision.


Final Thoughts: Thiago Silva, one of my personal favorite fighters, and one to keep an eye on for the future is also fighting on this card. He fights at 205 and is just a beast athletically. You might remember him out beasting Houston Alexander the last time he fought. He also has the look of a killer, and I think an impressive win should put him only one or two more victories from title shot consideration. I know the light heavyweight division is filled with contenders, Liddel, Wanderlei, Jardine, Griffin, Machida, Rashad Evans, etc, however I think Thiago Silva might just be the best of the bunch. Check him out.

The Boston Massacre

Yeah, I’m calling it. Boston is done. Trust me; I want to tell you that we’re going to get to witness a Lakers vs. Celtics finals. But of course, I’d be lying to you. And here at sportstoilet.com, we like to give you the shit straight, no bullshit. There is a reason why the Pistons have made it to six straight Eastern Conference Finals in a row. They play as a team. And it makes sense that a group of guys playing collectively can outplay a couple of talented players recently strung together. Detroit’s team plays so well as a unit. There offense and defense so organized. Each guy knows what they are and aren’t supposed to do. They attack and defend as a whole. Their bench this year is second only to that of the Lakers; they are absolutely great, lead by Jason Maxiell and Rodney Stuckey. The Celtics on the other hand have what on paper seems as more talent. There trio of Pierce, Garnett, and Jesus Shuttlesworth a.k.a Ray Allen must be respected and feared. They also have a great promising young point guard and solid bench players. They seem to have great team chemistry for a team just recently assembled; however you can’t compare their unity to that of the Pistons. The Detroit Pistons’ leaders have been together for a lot longer. And have battled side by side at the highest level as well as tasted overall victory before. Therefore I am convinced the Pistons have this series won.
Of course it helps that Saunders is calling every play, especially when his rival is so “sub-par”. Doc Rivers is too bad a coach to now how get his team back on track. If he couldn’t get his guys to beat the wild Atlanta Hawks in Atlanta, (or the Lebrons for that matter,) what would make anyone else think he could beat the Pistons at The Palace of Auburn Hills? The Celtics only hope was that home court advantage in the playoffs; now that’s gone. Doc has no idea what to do right now. He has never known what to do. Even with Billups not at one hundred percent Detroits got this one in the bag… I’m so certain that the Pistons have this series won; I think Coach Saunders should make Rasheed Wallace get two technicals in the closing minutes of game 3 and get his looming suspension out of the way on game 4. This way, the Pistons don’t have to worry about the bad boy missing a game in the NBA Finals. Jason Maxiell would easily step in for Wallace and that Piston train will keep on rolling. I wouldn’t be surprised if Maxiell forced KG into a bad game. That kid can flat out ball. On behalf of sportstoilet.com I’d like to welcome the Detroit Pistons to the NBA Finals.

Mr. Kershaw, Please Stand Up

The next Sandy Koufax, the Savior of Dodger Blue, the future of MLB pitching. SportsToilet fans I would like to introduce to you Clayton Edward Kershaw. Clay is the 21 year old phenom prospect who is currently pitching for the L.A. Dodgers Double A affliate. The word on the street through several credible sources and rumblings around the MLB and in local MLB papers is that he will be called up to join the depleted L.A. Dodger pitching staff as early as the upcoming week.

Finally Dodger fans, Finally. It is about time we find out if these youngsters that the organization refused to trade in previous years is as good as advertised. Clay looks like the real deal but we don't want him to become the next Darren Dreifort. With a fastball in the mid 90's to a nasty curve in the mid 70's, this kid is the best thing to come to Chavez Ravene since Sandy Koufax. Dodger fans turn on the television and listen as Vin Scully tells his story about the kid they call Clay.

A Salute to Chris Cooley

The Jar is impressed with Chris Cooley today. Look at this girl he coaxed to marry him. And look at him. I guess there is a reason he prefers wearing a helmet. He kind of looks like a roided out version of my old roomate Chris Masheykh. Although my roomate Chris is definitely a lot shadier...last I heard he was a car salesman.

Chris Cooley is legit. He even wrote a blog about his upcoming wedding this Friday. Check it out here. And he is a great TE option in fantasy football. I won my fantasy league in 2004 when I picked him up right before he broke out in the 2nd half of the season. And even though last year was a down year for The Jar in fantasy football land, one of the few bright spots was high jacking Mr. Cooley from J Tolliani. In his first 4 years in the NFL, Cooley has been the Skins most reliable receiver. And it appears as though he is only starting to reach his potential. Last year was Cooley's best stastical season with 8 touchdowns and 786 yards. The Jar only hopes that his jaw dropping wife (who was formerly a Skins cheerleader until she got kicked off the squad for dating Cooley) will not distract him in the upcoming seasons. Otherwise, he is poised to be a perennial Pro Bowler in the NFC.

The Jar became even more impressed when he learned that the Cool Man (I just made that up, but if it isn't his nickname, it should be) came from somewhere not so cool. Logan, Utah. A Mormon town of 40,000+. The Jar questions his decision to stay in Logan to play for the Utah State Aggies in college, but hey, the guy made it work. He got drafted in the third round of the 2004 draft and the rest is history. And for all this Cool Man, The Jar salutes you

Stanley Cup Finals Preview

Yes folks, the puck is still in action. For those of you who have not stopped listening to Jeff Van Gundy aka Ron Jeremy rip jokes on the set, I want to take your attention towards the ice where something truly special is happening. 20 year old phenom Sidney Crosby has guided his revamped Pittsburgh Penguins to the Stanley Cup Finals. This young canuck has taken all that inexperience junk and flushed it down the toilet. But his challenge is one of great heights and one I believe will be too tough to overcome.

It seems year after year the Detroit Red Wings are in the thick of a Stanley Cup race. If they don't win the cup their season is a failure. From their days of Steve Yzerman and Scotty Bowman, Detroit has always been Hockeytown. This will be one lesson Sid The Kid will learn when the puck drops Saturday, and his emotions will fly too high and will get the best of him. This is actually one pick in which I hope he proves me wrong because hockey has desperately needed something like this for so so so long. Some Americans still think Hockey should be on a lockout and never be played again. Playoff hockey is unbeatable and the action is fierce. Here is a good example.

A few weeks back T-Hirsh and Shay Shay went to the local sports bar to watch Game 7 of the Boston Bruins taking on the Montreal Canadians. There sitting at the bar we saw what playoff hockey was all about. In one seat we had a diehard Montreal fan. Quiet and suttle like Canadians are, but ready for his team to score and explode into a French frenzy. Then next to him we had the Boston Bruin fan. This kid was a wicked hardcore fan. Everytime his players were chasing Montreal players he would yell outloud in the bar "kill him." Yeah this guy was down. And throughout the game everytime Montreal scored on their way to victory he began to talk about how the Red Sox won that day. He had given up and let go for his season was just over. As observers, this battle is one that we enjoyed watching and will never forget. It is a story for whichever city you are from, you always believe they are the best at whatever they do and nobody can take that away from you. On a side note, I urge you to take a moment to watch some of these cup finals and enjoy what the future of the NHL will be like under Sid the Kid.

The Black Mamba Strikes Again

The San Antonio spurs thought they had game one in hand. They were up by 20 points midway through the third quarter. They had gotten delayed at the airport the night before and were pretty tired, and maybe they relaxed. But that is just want the black mamba wanted them to do. And then he struck.

Bryant scored 25 of his 27 points in the second half, and led the Lakers to a huge comeback victory. There were other good signs for the Lakers as well. The Machine hit some big shots and free throws and Jordan Farmar finally made a decent play or two. Not only that, but they managed to win a game in which Lamar Odom struggled and where Kobe only took 3 shots in the first half.

This game kind of reminded me of game 1 of the Spurs vs Suns series. Where the home team had no business winning, but somehow pulled it off, and gained a huge huge emotional edge going into game 2. If the Lakers win game two, I could see them winning the series in 5 games. Did I mention Phil Jackson is 40-0 in series in which his team wins game 1?

The NOT-MOCK DRAFT (first 10 picks)

On most websites, people attempt to guess what players each team will select on draft night. But here at the sports toilet we flush that idea down the tubes, and we explain who each team SHOULD select and why.

1. Chicago Bulls – If they do not want to trade on draft day they should select Michael Beasley and pair him up front with worker bee Joakim Noah. This finally gives the Bulls a low post option and gives more room for shooters like Kirk Hinrich and Ben Gordon who struggled last year. .

That leaves them with a lineup of Hinrich, Larry Hughes, Luol Deng, Beasley, and Noah, with Gordon, Thabo Sefolosha, Andres Nocioni, Tyrus Thomas, and Drew Gooden as the second unit. Not bad. Next move, get a coach.

With a legitimate scoring option down low, they would have they ability to trade Drew Gooden (and his $6.5 million expiring contract) along with Gordon or Hinrich or even Thomas to try to upgrade the point guard position. Jose Calderon anybody?

Note: I think Rose would be a solid pick here as well, however, it is less likely that Gooden and Hinrich could land a low post scorer the quality of a Beasley. And as good as Rose is, he isn’t winning a title without a low post scorer better than Gooden. Even Lebron couldn’t do that.

2. Miami Heat – The Miami Heat should pick Derrick Rose and be very very happy. Let’s just imagine suiting up Rose, next to Dwyane Wade. Then imagine apposing teams figuring out who their point guard is going to guard.

That leaves the Heat with a lineup of Rose, Wade, Shawn Marion, Udonis Haslem, and Mark Blount. They clearly need to upgrade the overall talent of the team, that last year maybe would have lost to the LA Sparks, but this would certainly be a good start. Let’s hope the new coach decides to turn up the tempo.

3. Minnesota Timberwolves – Some franchises just have no luck. The Wolves cannot get anything of value here. They have young promising players at every position and honestly need to get some veterans. How bout the 3rd pick and Corey Brewer/Rashad McCants for a real scorer or a point guard? If no trade can be conjured up, with a gun to my head, I pick the player with the most star potential left on the board. OJ Mayo. I know I know, he has no morals, he doesn’t fill a need, but face it, he has the sweetest jumper in college basketball and can fill it up. He immediately becomes your second best player. Then you hope either he or former 1st round pick Randy Foye can figure out how to play point guard. You would have to give strong consideration to Brook Lopez here because you need a center, but there is no way he is worth the 3rd pick as his ceiling is not as high.

That leaves the Timberwolves with a lineup of Foye, Mayo, Brewer, Ryan Gomes, and Al Jefferson. They should try to sign another big man with the midlevel exception and hope for the best.

4. Seattle Supersonics – You have a brand new shiny 2 guard and small forward. You need help everywhere else. Where do you go? I think you take Jerryd Bayless. There isn’t a world beater as a big man in this draft, and you’ve taken a project center 3 out of the last 4 drafts. How much did Johan Petro, Robert Swift, and Mohammed Sene pan out? I thought so. You think about Lopez, DeAndre Jordan, and Kevin Love, and then you pick Bayless. After trading away Delonte West to get Szczerbiak off your books, take Bayless and tell Luke Ridnour to alternate between eating and lifting weights 24 hours a day for the next year, and maybe he can get 10 minutes off the bench.

Potential Lineup: Bayless, Kevin Durant, Jeff Green, Chris Wilcox, One of those centers I mentioned or Nick Collison.

5. Memphis Grizzlies – You have 3 young point guards, a great shooter in Mike Miller at the 2, Rudy Gay at the 3, Hakeem Warrick at the 4, and a black hole in the middle after giving away Pau Gasol. Since I don’t think you want to start either Kwame Brown or Darko Milicic, I think you finally reach for a big guy here. I finally think this is where Brook Lopez gets off the board. The kid has offensive skills and actually kind of reminds me of Pau Gasol as far as his advanced skillset. I bring in Pau’s brother Marc Gasol in from Spain and let him compete for the starting spot at the 5. By the way, did I mention the Kwame trade gave them full cap space. Looking over at sportstoilet's own T Hirsh's free agent list I think a run at Elton Brand or Josh Smith might be tempting as well.

Lineup: Mike Conley, Miller, Gay, Warrick, Lopez/Gasol.

6. New York Knicks – Mike D’Antoni likes shooters. Donnie Walsh takes Eric Gordon. He trades away cancer ( Eddy Curry and Stephon Marbury).

Lineup: Jamal Crawford, Gordon, Quentin Richardson, David Lee, Zach Randolph.

7. Los Angeles Clippers – I would draft Russel Westbrook to play shooting guard. Rsign Elton Brand. Then I would let Corey Maggette walk in free agency and make a run at Baron Davis or Gilbert Arenas (two LA natives). This would make a very intriguing team.

Potential Lineup: Arenas/Davis, Westbrook, Al Thornton, Brand, Chris Kaman.

8. Milwakee Bucks – The Bucks are a team that looks good on paper but not in person. They get physically manhandled and seem to lack toughness. Even if he isn’t the greatest player on earth, I think Kevin Love is a perfect fit here. He provides the bumping and grinding that Andrew Bogut, Charlie Villaneuva, and the “Chairman” Yi do not like to participate in.

Potential Lineup: Mo Williams, Michael Redd, Yi, Love, Bogut.

9. Charlotte Bobcats – They need size in the worst way possible. From what I can tell Emeka Okafor is a really really nice guy. But he’s not an NBA center on a playoff team. He is a power forward. You need a center. You take the one with the most potential. DeAndre Jordan. I would couple this pick by unhiring Larry Brown. What a bad move. He doesn’t play young guys. He won’t develop rookies and he will waste your pick no matter what you do. He will probably ask you to take Hibbert. He sucks. Don’t fall for it. He’s slower than global warming. (I’m keeping my fingers crossed that Jordan isn’t the next Kwame Brown, I’m actually already considering Robin Lopez, but no, no I take Jordan. If nothing else he has the same last name as team president Michael Jordan…yeah yeah, great pick)

Lineup: Raymond Felton, Jason Richardson, Gerald Wallace, Emeka Okafor, D’Andre Jordan.

10. New Jersey Nets – I have heard a lot about this kid Gallinari from Italy, but after his countrywoman Andrea Barganini has showed such softness, and the fact that I’ve never seen him play, I take Darrel Arthur. He showed he can be a team player, hit open shots, and he played big in big games. He kind of reminds me of a Udonis Haslem type. The main need from New Jersey is to trade Jefferson or Carter and create cap space to go after Lebron/Wade in 2010. Sources at the sportstoilet have also been hearing a lot of crap about a possible trade for Carmelo Anthony. I think no matter who they draft here, they are not starting next year, as there are not too many other impact players left on the board.

Lineup: Devin Harris, Vince Carter, Richard Jefferson, Sean Williams, Nenad Krstic

At the Stadium--Tropicana Field

The Jar was fortunate enough to get free all you can eat/drink tickets for the Tampa Bay Rays - Yankees game last week (thanks Bosley). Free beer and hot dogs. The jar is happy. Plus I thought it fitting that the first segment of "At the Stadium" take place watching a team perennially in the Sports Toilet. Well, actually not this year as well documented by Shay Shay. But generally speaking...yes. The Rays are the only expansion team to have never made the playoffs (Marlins, D-Backs, Rockies being the other three) and are one of only four teams to have never played in the world series (the others: the Nats, Mariners and Rangers). But that was the past. That was the Tampa Bay DEVIL Rays. They dropped the devil, dropped the neon colors (which I actually thought were pretty cool) and also dropped their losing ways. They are now simply the Tampa Bay Rays. Instead of a manta ray, their logo is a sunburst. Owner Stuart Steinberg said that the new Ray logo represents "a beacon that radiates throughout Tampa Bay and across the entire state of Florida." How special? But tell me this, would you rather have this logo:



Or this?



I rest my case. Still the change of name has added a burst of sunlight to their play, and the Rays currently have a Top 5 record in the MLB. And wouldn't you know it, on my first trip to the Tropicana Spaceship, the Rays handily defeated the Bronx Bombers. Scott Kazmir was lights out. The Yanks couldn't touch him--only 3 hits in 6 innings. And while the Rays cruised to victory, the Jar took in the ambience of a pro ball game in Tampa (with some pictures to prove it!):

Tropicana field kind of looks like a spaceship. Or maybe a slightly tilted toilet. Fitting that my picture of the stadium has a port-a-potty in front of it.

This about sums up the typical Rays fan. The most flip flops that I've ever seen at a stadium too.

Still it was nice to have some Rays At Your Service (the acronym for ushers). The nice lady in our section kept bringing the Jar free beers.

You would think that a team named the Rays, as in ray of sunlight that brightens everyone's day and blah blah blah...wouldn't play in a dome blocking the rays from getting in. Guess not

And why is the turf discolored? They are playing in a dome!

Does this make you want some orange juice?

And of course, they had mascot race...though not with brats...this one was sponsored by Pepsi. The Pepsi bottle won naturally.

Live from Sin City

As I walked by that big electronic board I like to call the "gamblers wall" the Spurs yet again proved to show their experience in the postseason. While speaking with a fellow toilet writer this morning I began to argue why they would win the game. The experience of past championships and the presence of Big Shot Bob even if he played 5 minutes during the game was enough for me. Getting almost 2 to 1 on your money I found somebody smart enough take that bet and even convinced those in the vicinity to follow along. Once again Shay Shay came through with a golden lock. But I want to keep this short and simple on what is next to play. Take it down. First, take Chelsea to win the Champions League. The game is in Moscow, Russia. The owner of Chelsea is Roman Abrahamovich. He is Russian. According to my what my eyes see here at the Mandalay Sports book, it is +110 for Chelsea to win. Take the Blues.

Next play. Take Detroit to beat Boston in a 7 game series at Bodog or your local affiliate.. This is more of a personal statement to why the Big 3 is really the little 3. They still have not proved anything to me. If they lose one game in Boston this series could be over faster than you can say KG. So back to the poker table where the action never stops and the hookers never sleep...