Leg of Oden

Who's fault is this really? ESPN? The Blazers front office? Maybe people like myself who bought into the hype?
Someone is to blame for the one worst draft day decisions possibly ever. Greg Oden, has officially done nothing in his NBA career and it appears he is likely to not accomplish much during his playing days. Not since the Pistons chose Darko Milicic over Carmelo Anthony, Dwyane Wade, Chris Bosh, Chris Kaman, Kurt Hinrich, David West, Josh Howard and Mo Williams, just to name a few. The Blazers had a bright future with a slew of young talent and an energetic fan base thirsty for a contending team. Why choose a guy with 2 different size legs when you can choose one of the future stars of the NBA, Kevin Durant. So far, Durant looks like a 10 time all-star, a face of a franchise and a very healthy young man. Why gamble on a 40 year old college senior? Was Kevin Duckworth not available in free agency 2 years ago? Whatever the case, it's sad that Greg Oden was ineffectual in his long awaited debut against The Los Angeles Lakers and it's even worse that Greg Oden may have suffered the second major injury of his very young NBA career. We wish the Old/Young Man a speedy recovery from the sprained foot because after all the hype, I would love to see this guy play.

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Predictions about 2008 NBA Draft

Mock drafts don’t make sense because it all depends on team needs and other nonsense. And since we flush the bullshit, here at sports toilet ill give you my take on some of the names in this years draft based on my prediction of their impact on the league.

Derrick Rose – He is a good player. He plays hard. He plays good D. In his prime he will average 17 and 6 assists. He could be on a championship team(but not if he is the best player on the team.).

Michael Beasley – I don’t get what I am missing on this guy. He is incredible. In his prime he will go for 23 and 9 boards. And throw in a block and a steal and a 3. People keep saying he is a good player on a bad team kind of guy, but I don’t see that. Maybe he has just never been on a good team. I think the Bulls make the mistake of passing on him, when he is EXACTLY what they need.

OJ Mayo – The best player in this draft. His jumper is pure. His handle is nice. He can lock down on defense. (He held Rose, Jerryd Bayless, and Russel Westbrook all in single digits). Granted, I am a Trojan, so I am a little biased, but at the same time I saw every game of his freshman season. This guy is a leader, a winner, and a workhorse. He was never partying or messing around. He meant business. He will be one of those 23, 6 and 5 guys. I would be scared of a Mayo/D-Wade backcourt. He does not miss open jumpers even at the three point line. And we couldn’t say that about Kobe, Wade, or even Michael Jordan.

Brook Lopez – Him and his brother the other 10 white stiffs on his team to a #2 seed in the tourney and only lost to Texas because his guards couldn’t dribble. He has an amazing post up game, hes tough, he blocks shots. He isn’t a great rebounder, but match him up front with one and you have a great player. (Or perhaps he was just relying on his brother, and he can learn that skill as well, since he’s only 19). He has a lot of Pau Gasol’s types of offensive skill, but he’s willing to go up and dunk it. He could easily be a 16, 7 boards, 2 blocks guy in the meat of his career.

Kevin Love – the hardest person to figure out. I think he struggles in the league, as he did matched up against the Lopez’s and Memphis’s athletic front line. He can definitely play pick and pop, and knows the game, and he will be in the league for 10 years. But I don’t really see more that 10 and 8 out of him. I mean how many minutes can he play? And how much of a defensive liability is he?

Jerryd Bayless – I think he is overrated. He got to the rack in college by bullying people, but he wont be able to do that at the next level. Unless he learns how to play point guard, I could see him scoring 16 or 17 points but on 40% shooting.

Russel Westbrook – the first time I saw this guy in person, his freshman year I was in awe with his athleticism. He is a hard worker, is a willing learner, and desperately needs to work on his flat jumpshot. I don’t think he will ever be an elite scorer, but he is a winner and an outstanding defender who can totally disrupt the other teams best guard. He made OJ Mayo (granted he had no one to pass to) want to cry. He could pressure like Lindsay Hunter up the floor all game. I think he could be the third best player on a great team. But if he is your second best player you are not going far.

Eric Gordon – I never got what the hype was about. He is out of shape. Doesn’t have a great handle, and the clippers of course love him. He actually reminds me of their current SG, Cuttino Mobley, undersized, and supposedly a good shooter, but the numbers say otherwise. I think he could be a good six man, but you wouldn’t want him starting on a team with championship aspirations.

Brandon Rush – Solid player. Tries hard, and is a good shooter and defender. Will probably average 12 points a game but will be efficient. I could see him in his prime being a solid starter on a good team.

Sleeper players:

Courtney Lee – played great in the NCAA tournament and I think could be a great complimentary player. Could turn out to be a Bruce Bowen type. He is tough, and he defends, and has a nice 3 point shot so he could space the floor.

Robin Lopez – just like how Brook didn’t rebound cause he had Robin. I think Robin didn’t score cause he had Brook. But he has the skill. He put up big numbers when Brook was ineligible at the beginning of the season. Plus he hustles, bangs, and isn’t afraid to mix it up.

Busts –

Since I have never seen those foreign guys, I wont comment on any of them. But I think DJ Augustin is a bust. Hollinger has him ranked high. And I know the guy can put up numbers. But can you remind me of the last time a guard under 6 feet won the title? The 60’s, maybe. He is shorter than Jameer Nelson, and as we see with Nelson (who is also waaaaay buffer than Augustin), guards like Chauncey Billups eat him up. Like TJ Ford, I think he will have a fine PER, but he will never win it all. But enjoy his 14 and 7 dimes on a bad team if you wish.

Barca is Coming to America

According to FC Barcelona's website, the Spanish club has agreed to a 5 year deal with the MLS. Barthalona is the first club to sign a deal with the MLS to play friendly matches on an annual basis. Vice-presidents Ferran Soriano and Jaume Ferrer signed the agreement on Thursday in New York. FC Barcelona will play at least thix friendsly matches on US thoil on the next 5 years. In return Barthalona will hope to push their brand to the US market which they feel is on the verge of including thoccer as a major sport in it's country. More info will be released next week, I'm excited, I love these guys. Barcelona is a fine town, I didn't really notice the lisps everyone talks about, but they do say buenath diath (buenas dias). My friend Mo Lipton would kill it over there, his lisp would be a non issue and he kinda looks like Pau. Club vice-president for economic affairs, Ferran Soriano, told us: “Barça will support and strengthen football in the United States. Through this promotion we will also promote and support the Barça brand in North America. We are keen to capture sponsors and brands that, in the future, can associate with the name of FC Barcelona in the United States”. The grandeur of Barça MLS Commissioner, Don Garber, was also pleased: “The FC Barcelona brand is known throughout the world for its great history, extraordinary footballers, dynamic playing style and successes. In addition, Barça has shown itself to be more than a Club thanks to its commitment to global causes. The MLS is delighted to help spread the history of FC Barcelona and the development of its brand in North America”.

FC Barcelona also has a mean handball and wheelchair basketball teams, hopefully they also play on US soil as part of this huge agreement.

Bend But Do Not Break

Many of us fellow SportsToilet fans who bleed purple and gold have been struggling all day to grasp how big of a loss occured last night. During the first half of Game 4 of the NBA Finals, the Lakers of past decided to show up. Fluid passing, hard cutting, defensive prowess that would not be affected by whoever was on the court. The old Lakers showed us how they became the #1 seed in the West. For a group of us SportsToilet fans, talk of Game 5 already began. I mean how could we blow a lead like this? Minute by minute,missed shot after miss shot, lack of effort after turnovers the game was eventually tied. Grasping to the edge of our seats the game had literally gone down the SportsToilet. The City of Los Angeles has been struggling all day to recuperate. The car flags still fly in the air and the fans in this city still believe. No team has ever come back from a 3-1 deficit. So why try now right? WRONG. If the Lakers play like that first half they cannot lose. If the Lakers can miss 20 of 26 shots in the second half and still be in it who says they can't be the first to pull off this miraclous comeback. There is also a guy by the name of Kobe Bryant who thrives of these opportunities. Just when you count Kobe out, The Mamba strikes. If the Lakers do what they are supposed to do and win at home on Sunday then we go to Boston. I suspect that Game 6 will be of great difficulty, but the Laker's warrior team mentality can provide the breakthrough. Then we arrive at Game 7 in which the stars will rise and anything can happen. So as us fellow Laker lovers go about our weekend we have just a glimmer of hope left. The ray is purple and gold and it says don't give up, don't ever give up.

Euro Cup Fever

For those of you fellow SportsToilet fans who love soccer as much as I do, the Euro Cup has been a pure joy to watch up until now. After the first matches have been completed in group play I wanted to let you know who has impressed me thus far. Portugal looks fast and untouchable. This team has come into their own over the past few years. The great days of Luis Figo have been replaced by the most dangerous player in Cristiano Ronaldo. Germany looks mighty and is ready to run over people with Michael Ballack anchoring the midfield and Lukas Podolski scoring goal after goal. France looks scared. I don't need to say anything more about that. Netherlands looks great in the Orange and they handed the Italians a horrible loss the other day. After watching Spain today and the impact Fernando Torres had on the game, they might actually win some European silverware for the first time in 44 years. When making a pick on who I expect to win it all I have to go with a Portugal and Germany final. The interesting finale will be with a team built for speed and one built to beat you down. Ultimately Cristiano Ronaldo continues his dream year when they beat Germany to make amends for losing in the last World Cup. Take a look here for a list of the schedule of all the great games. Tune in and enjoy.

NBA Coaches Play Musical Chairs

It has been quite a week in the NBA of trying to figure out what coaches are in those cities that need some new guidance. We begin with the team that still thinks Shaq is the answer. The Phoenix Suns have decided to hire longtime veteran Terry Porter. The LA guys here at the Toilet always hated Porter when he played with those dispicable Blazer teams. All this signing does is add more fuel to the fire between the Phoenix Suns and LA Lakers. On a judgement point I thought it was the safe move to make. Porter will instill some defense into their system but he can run and gun a little on offense. The problem is that the Suns may have already missed their window at championship glory when other teams in the West were re-tooling their teams.

With the first pick in the NBA coaching draft the Chicago Bulls select Vinny Del Negro. Seriously? Where did this move come from? After Doug Collin's pulled out of the running to return to Marv Albert next year Vinny got the call on the golf course. But the real question is who wouldn't take this job? They have such a nice young core of players and with the #1 pick coming in, Paxson will ship a package out and come up with a contending team next year(at least in the East). Del Negro was always a smart player and will instill championship success and the winning mentality into this young Chicago Bulls squad.

The Detroit Pistons made the quiet, low key head coach hiring.Personally I thought this was the best move of all the signings. Michael Curry is a young gym rat. He works hard and reminds me of the coach who won't take NO for an answer. He will make his players work hard and won't take any crap from anybody. It might take him a few years to gain respect but he has the potential to be like Byron Scott in New Orleans. More updates to come..

600 Club Has a New Member

My man Ken Griffey Jr. finally hits his 600th homerun in his first at bat tonight against Sacramento King's Power Forward, I mean, Florida Marlin's Pitcher, Mark Hendrickson. Say what you want about Griff, this guy is without question the most likeable athlete in the last 20 years in baseball with the exception of maybe Ozzie Smith and Cal Ripken. The guy had the prettiest stroke ever, he was the most dominant ballplayer in the 90's, he has the best sports video game in Super Nintendo history and he's clean. He was the Posterchild for Upper deck which was huge when I was a kid, along side MJ and Wayne Gretzky, they became the idols for kids across the the world. He dominated the steroid era without one mention of steroids his entire career. Ken Griffey Jr., son of Ken Griffey Sr., duh, was on pace to become the greatest player of all time before his latter half of his career was taken over by injuries.I think he's injured every part of his body, except his heart, yea I said it, that's a good line. Griffey will be a first ballot Hall of Famer in no time flat upon retirement and as he continues to pads his stats late in his career, there is no doubt in my mind if he stays healthy, he can make a run to ta least the top 3 on the all-time homerun list. I wish this guy the best. I hope he's an all-star this year, it's really the only chance I have to watch him since he plays in the most small market team possible. The Red's stadium is so small market, it doesn't even have a corporate name, and has no excuse, Dodger Stadium and Yankee Stadium were built before the era of ballpark corporate takeovers. Hopefully he lands in Seattle at the deadline and can retire a Mariner, the way it was meant to be.

Strahan Retires

Strahan has been doing the Brett Favre off-season plan for about as long as Brett has, where you flirt with retirement til the team makes you an offer you can't refuse. Only in Mike's situation, he is coming off a Super bowl, his back-up Justin Tuck looks like a better player especially after these playoffs and frankly, the Giants shouldn't sack up 8 million next year for a guy who is easily replaceable at this stage in his career. Michael Strahan is 5th all time in sacks and his career will go down in Giants franchise lore. It's time for him to move on to television work, probably for FOX, he's practically the star of "Best Damn Sports Show Period", already. Maybe when he's on full time his gap and quick whit will turn the show around and it will no longer be the worst damn sports show, period.

Cedric Benson headed to Toilet Bowl 1

Cedric Benson, the former Texas Longhorn and now former Chicago Bear is sure to have a lot of formers attached to his name by the end of his career, but for now he was formerly a pro running back. Cedric, an extremely over-hyped running back out of Texas was supposed to be the answer to the Bears running issues, but after they gave him the nod over the very underrated Thomas Jones (Jets), the Bears are back to the drawing board in attempt to replace Cedric Benson. This guy sucks ass as a running back, he fucked up a lot of people's fantasy drafts last year and the Bears shot at any glory as a franchise. His off-season was stellar in terms of media attention. He got pulled over for drunken boating, which is understandable, I haven't been on a boat sober since I was twelve, and I'm sure I'm not the only one. To make it worse when they pulled him over, he started crying. There's no crying in football, only if you get inducted in the Hall of Fame. He is just one of those guys who is very attractive to the po's. He got a DWB (Driving while black) this weekend in Texas, he also blew way over the limit so that helped out the case of the muthafuckin po-leese, they Gave him a DUI. This guy is sure to be on the Raiders next season, they missed out on Pac Man so I'm sure he was #2 on their list. Cedric Benson "and Hedges, or probably Newports" will probably have some trouble finding a team this off-season although he could also end up a Cowboy since they are so Gung Ho on taking in all the Ex-Cons. Cedric is one of the many pro-athletes that will compete in the Toilet Bowl live on Sportstoilet.com, look for him to make a run for the toilet and shit on the competition. He has all the qulaities that will make him quite the competitor in this prestigious event. More to come on this situation, good luck finding a job CB, You da man!

The Showdown of the Century

It's here, Celtics-Lakers or Lakers-Celtics, depending on the coast. We here at Sportstoilet are all LA guys so we try not to be bias unlike the evil four letter network that single handedly killed hockey just because NBC won the bidding war to air the games. Disney and ABC should be ashamed, Mickey is fraud and goofy is a heroin addict. ESPN should stop stroking New England based teams and start recognizing the West Coast uprising. The leader of the LA-based resurgence is Kobe Bryant and the Los Angeles Lakers. David Stern is creaming himself over the fact that he has two of the top 5 markets in the finals and the absolute dream match-up, historically, Laker-Celtics. It all started at the trade deadline of the 2007 season. Kobe, obviously fed up with the team's current standing, voiced his opinion on killing the youth movement and the team's need to make big moves and bring in veteran talent. This failed to happen. The Lakers had a chance at Jason Kidd, Kevin Garnett and current Laker, Pau Gasol. Mitch Kupchak, Laker GM, failed to pull the trigger on a deal mainly because all deals included the departure of the young center and oft-proclaimed, future of the Lakers, Andrew Bynum. The Lakers had a miserable season according to the standards set by fans and ownership expectations of the greatest basketball, and maybe sport's franchise of all time.
The off-season was quite eventful, it seemed like whole team was at odds with the backbone, the living legend, the star of stars of the Los Angeles Lakers, Kobe Bryant. Kobe hated them back, or so it seemed. Local radio stations such as AM 570, expressed mixed opinions on Kobe's public tirades about the lack of effort by Laker management. He wasn't particularly happy about the fact that Mitch failed to deal Bynum for the obviously over-the-hill, Jason Kidd. Thank God that didn't happen. The threats started to pour on as Kobe continued his public displeasure and continued to state his desire to be traded. The public also had mixed opinions on Bryant, whether you loved him or hated him at the time, every fan had an opinion on what would be the best for the Lakers. Everyone had a plan for the future and everyone thought a big change was needed. Opportunity arose in the 2007 off season for the Lake show to bring in none other than Kevin Garnett. Finally, this was the answer. A big man, a big name, a "Big Ticket." Talks went on for weeks between Mitch Kupchak and the Evil Celtic, Kevin McHale, T-Wolves GM. All deals had Andrew Bynum somehow involved and Mitch would not deal the young Laker's Center.
The public was torn, and why? The team could not win now without a big name like Kevin Garnett, it just wasn't possible, according to us. The fictitious deadline for this deal had to be the draft, we had to trade pick, we had to trade players and bring in Garnett ASAP. it never happened. The draft started with the obvious picks going one-two, Greg Oden to the Blazers and Kevin Durant to the Sonics. The Celtics were on the board at 5 and they threw quite the curveball. After not being able to dish Paul Pierce, they decided to build around him, now. They traded the #5 pick to the Sonics for their superstar Ray Allen. What? Yes, it was true. This was a solid 1-2 combo that would at least allow them to do just fine in the lackluster east. The draft went on without the Lakers making a move and maintained it's young roster with Kobe Bryant remaining as the teams only true star. Then the unthinkable happened. The two evil Celtic GM's got together and sealed the deal on a trade that would bring Kevin Garnett to the Celtics for a slew of young talent to the Minnesota Timberwolves. The Garnett deal and Kobe's situation did not settle well with Bryant, the fans, the media or anyone who cared about the future of the Laker franchise. The one bright spot of the off season was bringing back the backbone of the 2000-2002 championship Laker teams, Derek Fisher. This was a start, but not enough according to Bryant. The depressing off season carried into the beginning of the 07-08 campaign. Kobe led a young starting lineup that didn't show much promise for the upcoming season. This didn't look great on paper but after a couple months, the Lakers were looking like a playoff team. Andrew Bynum was maturing and becoming and dunking and shot blocking force in the low post and Kobe was being Kobe. D Fish was being the floor general everyone expected he would, being a professional and doing his job. Lamar was up and down as usual and Kwame "DooDoo" Brown had his moment but still couldn't palm a tennis ball and was being Kwame which means he was still dumb as cow shit and very inconsistent. Somehow they were still in the playoff race. Hopes were high in LA, hey, we were gonna at least make the playoffs. Then, the Lakers lost all hope when it's center Andrew Bynum went down with a 2 month injury.
The trade deadline was nearing and Kobe still didn't drop his desire to be traded, then the bomb dropped on the league. There was supposedly a trade in the works that would send then, Memphis Grizzly, Pau Gasol to LA for his little bro, Marc, Kwame "PooPoo" Brown, young PG, Javaris Critterton, who I still think has promise and a couple of first round picks. Couple that with the shipping of Maurice Evans and Brian "Puppy Crap" Cook, it was now apparent that the Lakeshow was serious. Pau was a nice replacement for Bynum, to say the least and Trevor Ariza was a fine defensive anchor for the opposing teams best player. The rollercoaster continued in LA as Boston was in cruise control, dominating the east. They looked like the best team in basketball and there was no doubt in anyone's mind that they would win the 2008 title. The Lakers thought differently. They started climbing the ranks in the very tough western conference and all was well in Lakerland. The hype of a Lakers-Celtics final started as both teams climbed to first place in their respective divisions.
Sure enough as the season ended both teams finished first and the hype continued. The Lakers plowed through the Nuggets in no time flat while the Boston Celtics struggled with the 8th seed Atlanta Hawks. The series went to 7 and The Celtics finished them off in convincing fashion. On to round 2. The Lakers had to face the best home team in the league, the Utah Jazz. While at times the Lakers looked like they could fall, Kobe stood up, put the team on his shoulders and put away the very tough Jazz team in 7, despite a great serious by young pg, Deron Williams. The Celtics went to seven again and had lots of trouble playing 5 on 1, Lebron was proving he is in fact, the 2nd best player in the league and gave a good fight. The Celtics Big 3 was too much for LJ23 and the Celtics would now have their first real test by facing the 2004 NBA Champion, Detroit Pistons. The Lakers drew the defending champion, San Antonio Spurs. The only two teams who are in the running for the team on the current century would be pitted against one another in what was supposed to be a knock down-drag out afair. The series ended in 5 and the Lakers were proving that they were not only the team of the decade, but the best team of the 2008 season.
The Celtics struggled against a Chauncy-less Piston team but eventually pulled off the win in the series. So now, the table was set. The hype happened. David Stern got his wish, he got the Showdown of the Century. Mainly the showdown of 2 centuries ago, but still, Lakers-Celtics is the best possible series for the league, no matter what the generation. The nostalgia is everywhere. Visions of Bird, McHale, Parrish, Magic, Worthy, Jabbar (Alcindor), West, Chamberlain, Russell, Auerbach and Buss. Showtime was back and so was the rivalry of all rivalries. So this is it. Game one is on tap for this evening and who knows what will happen. The C's are favored by 3 tonight and rightfully so. The Celtics were the best team of the regular season and appear to be pumped for the first Championship in Boston hoops since the 80's. The Lakers have 3 at home following the 2 in Boston. This should be one of the best series in basketball history but I think the Lakers take this bitch in 5. Kobe Bryant is now in debate as the best player of all time and this series win would be another step towards being just that. Phil Jackson could also take the championship ring record from the late Celtic great, Red Auerbach. So many storylines, so much rich history, so much to look forward to, yet I still see the father's of LA celebrating when the Lakers win game 5 on father's day and bring the gold back to the downtown hoops dojo, Staples Center. This championship will be for the current dads and the future dads of BH. The house that Shaq built will forever be known as the house that Kobe called home and built his path to the greatest player of our time.
That's what LA is about Basketball and avacados, y'all better know that.

Triple Crown Preview

As Shay-Shay prepares to leave for another weekend of debauchery in Las Vegas tomorrow he wants to shed some light on the historic weekend that lies ahead. For those of you SportsToilet fans that actually listened to me about my Preakness write-up in regards to Big , you are still relishing the taste of victory. Hopefully you are ready to double uo. The horse racing world has needed a Triple Crown winner for a long time. The last Triple Crown winner came from Affirmed in 1978. After the tragic story of Barbaro and recent passing of Eight Belles the sport needs something so incredible like Big Brown.

The only way Big Brown will lose the Belmont Stakes is if one of the horses runs a race in order to knock Big Brown out of first.(Kind of what Jon Chaney did in that basketball game sending in a player to break that poor college kids arm.) Another horse in this race that is a semi contender is named Casino War. The colt is being flown in from overseas and being pushed into action in one of the biggest races in history. With this lack of experience he will be perfect for a 2ND place finish. That's why if I was a betting man, I would take Big Brown and Casino War to finish 1 and 2 in an exacta bet. Big Brown will blow this field away as soon as he is clear of the railing. So when Big Brown wins the Triple Crown on Saturday, take a look at the television and take a few moments to take it all in, this is history in the making.

Davon Jefferson “Airplane” takes a nosedive

Davon Jefferson played one season for the USC Trojans in which he averaged 13 points and was the third best player on a team that lost in the first round of the NCAA Tournament. The guy is a physical specimen, standing at 6’8’’ with really long arms, however, the guy refuses to do anything which would require actual effort. He doesn’t rebound, he doesn’t play defense, he doesn’t even pay attention half the time when he doesn’t have the ball. During the course of the season, Tim Floyd had to suspend him from 3 games do to “offcourt/practice” issues. Basically, Jefferson, who by the way was a 22 year old freshman (after missing a whole year of college after not being able to get a high enough SAT score, preferred to sulk than to try

Maybe you shoud have spent your time lifting weights instead of signing autographs

He probably had everything handed to him. People telling him he was great. People telling him to go pro. And he listened. And he hired an agent. BIG MISTAKE. At the predraft camp, where he needed to dominate to get himself into the first round, he instead did his usual lackadaisical routine and did not impress. Most embarrassing of all, Jefferson put up 185 lbs in the bench press a whopping 2 TIMES. You read it right, he weighs probably 230 and he put up 185 exactly twice! Jtolliani, himself is not a big man, he is 6 ft tall in sneakers, and about 173 lbs dripping wet, and he can put up 185 at least 7 or 8 times. I mean c’mon Davon. You couldn’t study harder for those SAT’s and qualified for college a year earlier? You couldn’t have learned how to dribble or box out at some point? You couldn’t have practiced your free throws, because all you can pretty much do out there is go to the basket and try to get fouled. You are a disgrace. And you will not be missed at USC. You have all the talent in the world. But you would rather let it waste away. So you will do the same. You can think about it when you on the bus between D-League games. I can see you know: “Maybe I should have tried harder.”

Joba (no...not those balls that asian's put in tea) Chamberlain struggles in first start

All this non-sense pitch count crap, put way too much pressure on Joba in his first major league start. Going into the game, he knew he was only allowed 70 pitches so he was aiming too much, and got wild and walked 4 in his 2 1/3 innings of work. I know the Yankees don’t want him to go the way of Mark Prior, but cmon. 70 pitches? Have you seen Chamberlain’s build. I think he can take it. At least better than he took those flies last September.

That being said Joba should have looked across the field at his opposing pitcher Roy Halladay to see how the pros do it. Halladay is a former cy young winner and perennially one of the best pitches in the game, but he gets no love cause he plays in Canada. I think the Yankees should worry more about Joba’s twinkie intake then his pitch count. Let the guy let it rip. Seattle last year let Felix Hernandez just pitch and the Angels just put Jared Weaver out there. And they both had outstanding years, and are off to good starts again. 260 pound kids no matter what age don’t need kid gloves. Just for some perspective, Joba is 2 months younger than the NBA’s Chris Paul. I think he is ready to play.

Au Revoir Montreal

This past weekend Shay Shay took in the lovely city of Montreal, Canada where hockey is the sport year-round and the French influence is always growing. Here is a random fact for you SportsToilet fans; There is a separate division of the Montreal Police department that enforces the signs in Montreal. Every sign must be in French or you will be reported and fined and after that you must fix the sign. Talk about hate of the English language. Anyways back to the home of the Montreal Canadians. If you thought hockey season was over for the Canadian fans you thought wrong. I happened to walk into a conversation by a fellow Canadian about off season plans for their beloved team. He was telling me that they should get rid of this guy and definitely sign a power player. He then asked me if he should change the location of his season tickets in order to make sure his 5 year old can go to every game. Their season just ended 3 weeks ago! The puck never stops in this city.

If you find yourself wanting to to visit Montreal anytime soon I would book a ticket for this weekend. Sorry for the late notice but this week the Grand Prix of Canada in association with F1 Motorsports will take place. As I was watching the city transform into a party town, I began to regret that I could not stay and party with fellow FI superstar Lewis Hamilton. This 23 year old phenom is a true shining star at such a bright young age. The city closes down the busiest streets in Montreal for the weekend and parties will continue at their clubs all night. Two picks for my fans. First Club Opera to party(just do it). Second, take Lewis Hamilton to win the race.

Last but not least I must touch on those Montreal Expos we use to know. The days of Delino Deshields, Pedro Martinez and Larry Walker . The times where the stadium was so empty the yellow chairs stood out more than the players. And who is ever going to forget Henry Rodriguez and the Oh Henry! bar explosion. One thing that is not missed in Montreal is the Expos. You will see a few Expo shirts lost in the thousands of Montreal Canadian jerseys. My reason for the failure in Expos baseball was the fact that Olympic stadium was so far from the heart of the city. The fact that they won 20 games a season didn't help either. Montreal is truly a beautiful city with so much class and ass and I encourage you to take time out and visit a true Canadian masterpiece.

Kimbo Slice, Eilte XC hits network TV

Last night's Elite XC card on CBS had its ups and downs. There were a few exciting fights including Robbie Lawler (15-4, 1 NC) and Scott Smith (15-4, 1 NC), and in a women’s bout Gina Carano (6-0) and Kaitlin Young (4-2). Carano is tough and for lack of a better word, she looked really really hot, in her victory. However, the whole event just seemed like amateur hour. To give you some perspective, Kimbo Slice’s headlining the first MMA card on national TV, would be like Skip to my Lou’s first NBADL game most people’s first introduction to pro basketball. I know, CBS wanted to jump on the MMA bandwagon, but I am afraid doing so is giving people an extremely watered down version of the sport.

I am not saying Slice doesn’t have potential, but he has no idea what he is doing in there. At one point, he had Jason Thompson hurt, and he attempted to apply a guillotine choke. He got his arm around Thompson’s neck, but instead of falling down and pulling guard, (putting his legs around Thompson’s body to prevent an escape), he merely laid down and tried to use his brute strength. While this would work in the backyard against most opponents, Thompson who has some jiu jitsu ability rolled forward and out of the hold. Slice did eventually get the victory when Thompson’s cauliflower ear literally exploded, but I thought it was a bullshit stoppage. Thompson wanted to keep going. If it had been on pay per view, not national TV they would have kept it going. Instead they let Slice escape in a fight that would have been very very close on the judges cards. (In fact I thought that almost every fight was stopped to fast, with a fighter wobbling, but before the final blow.) I don’t think Elite XC has enough quality fighters or personalities to really thrive on national TV, unless UFC fighters start a mass exodus to try to get more exposure. One last thing I wanted to mention. There is a WEC lightweight championship match on Versus Network tonight featuring Urijah Faber vs. Jens “lil evil” Pulver. Faber looks a little like Jeff Spicoli from “Fast Times at Ridgemont High,” but he is explosive, exciting and quite possibly a top 5 or 10 pound for pound fighter in the world. I actually think he would give BJ Penn a better challenge for his own lightweight title than anyone in the UFC.

A Look Back

Talk about going your seperate ways
Visors really need to make a come back, those things were so fresh, earrings too and pretty much the 90's in general.

New Tyson Documentary

Director, James Toback, fresh off his film's introduction to Cannes, speaks about his chronicles of Mike Tyson. Plenty of footage from Mike's prime and what has happened to Iron Mike since his title reigns. It seems pretty interesting. Anytime you get to see Tyson kicking the shit out of people in the later 80's is just a phenomenal sight. Before he was a canibal and a C list celebrity rapist, this guys fucked up everyone! "Tyson," which is due to be released later this year will surely be a success and hopefully will get Mike on his feet again. Hopefully he doesn't blow all the cash getting the other side of his face tattooed.
Hopefully this revival for Mike will inspire Nintendo Wii to release the third enstallment of the Mike Tyson's Punch Out series. Those games are good, really good.
Check out the video

In other boxing news...
Hasim Rachman has agreed to fight James Toney in July, according to Top Rank.

First Aston Martins, Now Snakes?

Yes, Kobe is at it again. After jumping over an Aston Martin racing towards him on top of a Los Angeles rooftop, he will now take on joins the Jackass guys for some stunts with snakes.
Take a look...

They call me the Turiaf

Heart, Passion, Soul, Fire are some things will never burn out in Mr. Turiaf. That is simply the mantra of one of the SportsToilet's favorite athletes, Ronny Turiaf. We like to call him Turier (Too ree yay) at loud volumes as he dances his way to the Western Conference Championship. The story of this young man from Martinique, is one of perseverance and the will to never to fail. Just 4 weeks after the LA Lakers drafted him from Gonzaga, at pick 37, he was found to have an enlarge heart. I personally remember watching the draft as well as the interview where he broke down and cried in front of the media, i knew right then in their that his heart was what makes him special. I remember Ronny saying the medical breakdown was just another obstacle he would overcome and he did just that, overcome. Now, Ronny Turiaf is in a contract year and playing the best basketball of his life. If only Shay-Shay had a dollar for everytime a player had a breakout season in his contract year. Anyways, this kid is worth the money. He plays with so much passion and love for the game. He single-handedly sparked the Lakers comeback in Game 1 of this year's series against the Spurs. It doesn't show up in the boxscore but the true fans know his value. Most importantly his sideline antics and personality are second to none. Check out the video below to see what I'm talking about. Ronny and his wild dancing and lingo are second to none. So when the summer comes around I look for Ronny to take less and stay in LA as a symbol of thanks for their support through his medical hardships. That's just Ronny being Ronny..

Welcome back Mr.Collins...

I was listening to Dan Patrick early this morning when the story broke that Doug Collins is coming back to coach the Chicago Bulls. Doug, i just want to say how happy I am that I and fellow SportsToilet fans don't have to hear your analysis on TNT anymore. If only we could get Jeff Van Gundy to make it to every game in the playoffs, this world could be a much better place.
Lets break down Doug's decision on why he decided to come back. First, that's just it, FIRST pick in the NBA Draft this summer. As soon as the Bulls stole the #1 pick from other NBA teams in need of the first pick like the Seatlle Supersonics or the Charlotte Bobcats. Doug's people put a call into Chi-town, knowing they needed a big name. Shit, I would put a call in to promote Shay-Shay to be the next coach. It's not like Doug is stepping into a franchise like the Clippers or the Bobcats. Chicago is a loaded team that has not learned how to play in the east. Once Doug and their #1 pick learn how to play semi-normally, they will be a top 3 team in the shitty eastern conference and Doug will ride out on top.

Mr.Collin's wants redemption very badly. After his firing in 1989, the Chicago Bulls started their run in becoming one of the most storied franchises of all time. Under the guidance of the brilliant Phil Jackson, the Bulls were the crowned ,"team of the 90's." Shay Shay wonders if during this time Doug Collin's sat at home and thought ",this should have been me." Now he is making one more run at coaching while Phil Jackson goes for another ring with the purple and gold. Doug Collins was the one who bred Jordan, drafted Pippen and did all the dirty work in his early days with the 80's Bulls. Mr. Collin's is out to prove just one more time why he loves his Chicago Bulls, and maybe why he should have never been fired in the first place. Think of his other option, coaching the Phoenix Suns, I think not.

Then and Now

With the Lakers on the verge of sending the Spurs back to San Antoino empty handed and the Celtics looking like the winners of the minor league championship(The East), it is only fitting to go back to the future. I'm setting the Delorean for 1985 in attempt to hype the probable championship of 2008. The dials are set, the flux capacitor is fluxing, the speed is 88, the jello is jigling, the butter is getting hard and away we go....

Can you S-P-E-L-L Excitement?

Yes, it's that time again folks, the annual Scripps Spelling Bee is just around the corner. The event that should really air on ESPN "The Ocho", will air the Semi-finals on ESPN and the finals will air on ABC! This is a serious fucking red carpet they are rolling out for these prepubescents, don't you think? I know it's better than most ABC reality programming but come on? I didn't know this many paederasts had TVs, aren't they locked up? If I wanted to see four 12 year olds struggling on a stage I'd go to a strip club in Bangkok, Thailand. I have to say, if you are a music head and love celebrities, this is one of the few events that you can catch Michael Jackson and Pee Wee Herman court side taking it in, in shades, like Jack Nicholson and Lou Adler at a Laker game. In all seriousness, I couldn't spell for shit when I was younger and still can't, if you read this site daily you would know this. The kids are under extreme pressure and really give it their all. I don't know how they do it, they have to know like 98% of the English language and they aren't even allowed to use the 7 dirty words that are banned from TV and radio. At least I have that on them. Check here for air times and enjoy the competition.
My pick is the 12-year-old sixth grader, So-Young Iris Chung, out of Peoria, Arizona. Chances are if shecan spell her name right she should be able to spell most of the oddballs they throw at her on Saturday.

Why this year’s Spurs weren’t sharp enough

What was the death knell for the Spurs? With Timmy sliding over to center position, they have tried to survive this playoffs with Fabricio Oberto, Kurt Thomas and Robert Horry as their primary big men. What do they all have in common? Old and stiff. Horry used to be great. But after 0 fg’s in the series versus the Lakers so far, I think its safe to say he should retire. Oberto is decent, but you’d be ecstatic to get even 10 points out of him. Not what you would want out of a starting big man. Thomas can play decent post defense against slow big guys, but against players like Pau Gasol and Lamar Odom he can’t even get on the court.

So what does Coach Pop do during most fourth quarters? He plays small, with 4 perimeter players around Duncan. Tony Parker, Manu Ginobili, Bruce Bowen, and one of either Brent Barry, Michael Finley, and Ime Udoka. The problem with this is two-fold. First off, they get killed on the offensive glass. Especially against a long team like the Lakers who have forwards like Odom, Radmanovic, and Luke Walton who are all bigger and just as quick as the San Antonio smalls forced to play the forward spots. The problem is them compounded by the fact that the Spurs small forward Bruce Bowen guards the Lakers’ shooting guard, forcing Ginobili on the small forward. This basically puts them at a size disadvantage and two positions. And what happened, Walton, Odom, and Radmanovic feasted on the offensive glass.

This brings me to my main point. How did the Spurs get so thin up front. First they let Nazi Muhammed and Fransisco Elson go. Neither are world beaters, but at least they could move their feet and block shots. But more importantly why did they trade Luis Scola for a chicken wing and a new 5 dollar bill to the Houston Rockets before the season started. Mistake? I’d say so. Scola averaged 14 points and 8.5 rebounds after the all-star break (when he finally broke into the lineup) and became the primary scorer on the box for a playoff team. Not only that, but Scola is only 26 and has played for years on the Argentinine National Team with fellow Spurs, Ginobili and Oberto. Scola could hit the open jumper at the top of the key with Timmy on the court, and his presence would have allowed Duncan to get a couple minutes rest. With him not there, Duncan never got to take a little break heading into the fourth quarter of game 4 and he gassed down the stretch and missed some chippies. And honestly its hard to blame him for getting tired after basically putting up 20-20 games for 4 straight games. Scola coulda, shoulda, and woulda given the Spurs a great chance to beat LA. Instead, he will help the Houston Rockets be another team the Spurs must contend with for years to come.

The one hope for Spurs fans is Brazilian big man Tiago Splitter who they drafted at the end of the first round last year. He may be just what the doctor ordered.

Johnny Guns and the Gun Show

Brace yourself, this guy is really serious...
This doesn't have that much to do with sports other than the title of the show being, "Vegas Sports," but I felt that a majority of the audience would get a kick out of this Vegas local.



Take notes.
Word to the wise: Live hard, play hard, stay hard...

WWE Draft Analysis

Yes, this is is a new low for Sports Toilet, but I can't escape my past. I figured I had to be the one to do this even though I know the other columnists on this site enjoyed a figure four leg lock or two in their day.
I haven't really been into the wrestling scene in a while, not since the days of DX, "Stone Cold" Steve Austin and Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson. Last time I tuned in, Hogan and Flair were wrestling, that was in 2007, 20 years after I used to watch tapes of them, hey MacMahon, maybe it's time for some new blood? What do you think?
I used to be a huge fan, like put on the warrior face paint while rocking a Hogan tee, holding a foam 2x4 a la Hacksaw Jim Duggan, Ho!!!
I checked out WWE.com, just to check up, I do this once in a while. The WWE, I guess in attempt to be even more like a real sport, will be holding a draft. I mean the other major contact sports already have the steroids, high priced talent and ESPN turns everything into a drama with stroylines, much like the WWE, so the only thing left to do was have a draft.
I know they have done this before, but according to WWE.com, they are holding a draft now that the WWE is split into different leagues? (RAW, Smackdown, ECW) Odd, I know.
This is cool for the fans I guess, I mean back in the day I would've been down for this, now, I don't really know who's around? I know a few guys, but not enough to compile an entire Mock Draft, so I'm gonna do my Mock Draft from 1988, because this is the anniversary of the first ever single elimination tournament to crown the champ when the belt was relinquished by Hulk Hogan due to a disputed call against Andre the Giant. The Tournament took place at The Trump Casino in Jersey,and ended with Randy Savage walking away with the belt. Fucking sweet!
So I guess if there was a draft in 88, this is probably how it would go...
WWF Mock Draft 88'

1. Hulk Hogan

2. "Macho Man" Randy Savage

3. Andre "the Giant"

4. "The Million Dollar Man" Ted Dibiase
5. Ricky "The Dragon" Steamboat
6. Rick Rude
7. Ultimate Warrior
8. Greg "The Hammer" Valentine
9. The One Man Gang
10. "The Natural" Butch Reed
11. Rowdy Roddy Piper
12. The Honky Tonk Man
13. Bret "Hitman" Hart
14. Bam Bam Bigelow
15. "Bad News" Brown
I tried...

The Howland Effect

Since the end of the Steve Lavin era ::Sigh::, the UCLA Bruins have been riding the Ben Howland train to the top of the rankings, year after year and show no signs of coming down. This year, the Bruins had their best shot at a chip since 1995. They fucked up, again. Not because they were a bad team, they had 3 projected NBA First round picks this year in Luc Richard Mbah A Moute, Kevin Love and Russell Westbrook. That's at least as much talent on paper as the 2005 North Carolina team led by Sean May "Never play in the NBA" and Ray Felton. It takes more than talent to win it all these days and after 3 straight losing efforts in the Final Four, it is Howland's job to figure that shit out.
He's often considered a hardass and too tough on his players. Just ask Josh "I can't shoot a ball into an ocean off the edge of a Battle" Shipp, fucking Mush. Let's pray he's NBDL bound, then we will have a decent shot in 2008. Hardass or not, he's a great coach, he's the best recruiter in the country now and he shoots the double hand T with the best to ever call a time out. He has to be given extra, I have season tickets and I swear the Bruin games have extended an extra hour since the Lavin departure. Following the 2008 Final Four collapse and pretty much every player on the team committing for the draft, it looked like the Bruins had a better chance in 2009 than Kwame Brown palming a basketball. But not so fast, Darren Collison, one of the nations best defenders, passer and 3 point threat is back for his senior season. This would move the prized 5 star recruit, Jrue Holiday to the 2 and together would make up the best back court in the nation. It's the rest of the team that is up in the air. Is Josh Shipp coming back? What about Luc Richard? Is Mike Roll healthy? Was there any point of me asking that last question? Yea? Guess not... One question was answered this week: Is the 5 star recruit, 6'10 center, J'Mison Morgan, originally committed to LSU, UCLA bound? Yes! Now the Bruins have a dominant center weighing in at a whopping 275 lbs.. This was huge considering they also have 2 more four star California bred guards coming in, Maclcom Lee and Jerime Anderson. This gives UCLA the number one recruiting class in the nation with 5 of the top 50 recruits according to rivals.com. But wait, there's more...the Bruins have also added the 6'8" PF out of Oakland, Drew "Too Tall" Gordon. There is also word that Alex Stepheson (UNC) is transferring and Westwood is his top destination. This would make a the Pac -10 almost a lock and they could easily be a top 5 ranking this season and I wouldn't be surprised to see them at #1 overall at some point this season.
Howland should be proud of all he has done so far, but the issue comes back, he needs to find out what it takes to win it all. The Bruins are as young and deep as a USC Trojan sorority girl, but focus and drive is what will put the 2009 team over the hump. It's not in the bag just yet, Arizona and USC will be tough competition having lured in monster recruits Brandon Jennings and Demar Derozen, respectively. I see a three team race, the other 7 are on the outside looking in, sorry Ken. This should be a fun year for college basketball and I see UCLA 8 clapping their way to yet another Final Four, winning it, that's another story. The best part is, this is one more step toward Pac-10 supremacy and I'm sure when ESPN opens it's LA studios and offices, the light will no longer only shine on the ACC. Sorry Dick

Smokin’ Joakim Noah

Ex-Florida Gators great and current NBA rookie for the Chicago Bulls, Joakim Noah, was charged with having an open container of alcohol and for having a joint in his pocket. All I got to say to the Bulls is, you really didn’t see this coming? First of all, just look at what this guy looked like on draft night. Not too professional to say the least, wait a minute, look at his eyes, i think he might be stoned.... Secondly, his father, Yannick Noah, a tennis great from the 70’s was known to have been a toker and as we all know the nut usually doesn’t fall far from the tree.

But what I think is really interesting here, is the fact that after being praised for staying an extra year in college after winning his first National Championship, now we really see what his motives were. Did he turn down big money to stay in school? yes. But did he do that to further his education? I'd say no on that one. I think it had more to do with one more year of toga parties and sorority girls. You really have to wonder. As a recent graduate of USC, I was a personal witness to Matt Leinart coming back one more year to “graduate,” in which time he took home virtually every blonde girl with a pulse from 901 Club (the campus bar).

So you heard it here first. Be suspicious when someone likes college a little too much. I think those one and done kids shouldn’t be so looked down upon. You don’t think OJ Mayo, for all his problems, wants to play ball and be a superstar? Why don’t you sit back, make like Smokin Joakim, and marinate on that for a minute.

Joakim, livin the dream...and a plan for the future

First off, I want to apologize to my two or three fans out there for my long absence. I also see Tolliani posted the same story before I did, but that's just what I get for my lack of new material. I feel like DMX, I came out spitting fire and before long fizzled back to nothingness. "I want to talk about the man, I wouldn't say he's a hero, because what's a hero." I want to talk about a man who was biggest part of the machine that took apart my UCLA Bruins in back to back seasons, in the Final Four, Joakim Noah. The guy was one of the best rebounders I had ever seen in college basketball though I always felt and still think Corey Brewer will be the best player of all the 07' Gators, and will eventually be a dominant fantasy superstar. Not a real superstar because the T-Wolves will never have a chance. While there was always word of "character issues" with Noah, I thought he would somehow pull off a decent pro career. After a run in with Gainesvilles finest, it looks like Noah is in a bit of trouble, boo hoo. The Bull's Power Forward and former lottery pick, was arrested last weekend for drug posession and an open alcohol container. The kid was simply trying to relive the glory days, with his people, what's the harm? I know he's a pro athlete and expected to be a role model, but come on, look at the guy? He's a hero to some, not the kids or conservative, but to the jokers, the smokers and the midnight tokers. I figured he would turn into a cult athlete, a hero for the real people. This guy is the average college student that makes it. He's not a pro athlete, this guy is like you and me but he's doing it on the big stage. This guy reminds me of myself and other friends that would blow trees then go to soccer practice. Somehow he actually got away with it and made it, so now he has all the cash he wants to continue living the dream and I see no signs of him stopping. I respect this, it's like Matt Leinart continuing to live the dream. Matt, who I also despise due to years of Bruin dominance, is more of the Orange County Bro type, with the beer bongs and backwards hats, Noah on the other hand, loves the pot and the occasional 40 oz.. Joakim Noah, one of the most talented college players in years, has yet to make a big impact on the NBA. He has attempted to fight his entire team, his coach, and the law....but the law won. So Jo, if I were you I would at least lay low and chill until your rookie contract is up. The ideal life is attainable, check this: Play your heart out until the contract is up, get mad loot in your free agent off-season and then start the party again. You will definitely get shipped to NY, with all the other giant contract earners that never amount to anything. This is great, you will be home with your posse in Manhattan in no time. You can chill in the cut real hard, listen to Redman, get real heady as you east coast say, and mack it hard in your Escalade. The ideal life is in your hands Joakim, plus your dad has bank just in case it all fails. You mom's smokin, that's good too, I don't know how you came out so ugly, but you are still a hero to many, including myself. We love you here at the sports toilet and we support you efforts in continuing to live the dream...

Orlando Pre-Draft Camp Sleepers

This is the place to come and shine..The place where we find out who just moved up that extra spot into the lottery to make an extra million. Every move and every cut is studied and discussed. GM's and scouts are anxiously watching and reporting back to their respective camps who they think will make the biggest impact. Starting today the infamous Orlando Pre-Draft Camp begins in Orlando, Fl. Here is the full list of participants according to the 4 letter network. The players that are actually participating and playing are those players who are outside of the lottery and looking in. Some players in the mix only have a glimmer of hope looking in from the outside of the 2nd round bubble. All they want is to hear their names called come June. These atheletes need to learn from what fellow LA Laker Jordan Farmar did during this camp and leave it all out on the line. Jordan singly handedly impressed many scouts taking him from an early second rounder into first round money.( Not to mention he wears purple and gold these days.) Here are Shay Shay's quick looks at a few sleepers who will emerge from the pre-draft camp.

1. Tyrone Brazelton- Call him small or overmatched. Call him small town school boy. But sportstoilet fans let me tell you that this kid can ball you up over and over again. He reminds me a bit of Devin Harris character with the 3 point shooting of Steve Nash. Keep an eye out of this kid. I could see him going in the middle of the second round to Indiana at pick #41.

2.Aleks Maric- The kid from Down Under. He could probably school you in hoops then take you to the bar and drink you under the table. He never got the looks of big school because he played in Cornhusker country that sold out their Spring Football game at $95 bucks a ticket. I am sure that many scouts are starting to notice this 6'11" inside force who cleans up boards and puts back the easy buckets. Utah at #44 might be a good fit for this Aussie.

3. J.R. Giddens- My last pick is a true scorer. That is all J.R. knows how to do. At The University of New Mexico, (which I must say is a lovely campus as I visited Albequerque last month) J.R. enjoyed the Lobo Love and the experience of being a senior and knowing how to get the job done. Look for the Lakers to steal Giddens in the second round at #58 this year. Full report of what actually occured in Orlando soon...

At the Stadium--Chavez Ravine

The Jar made the drive through Silver Lake and up the Elysian Parkway to Chavez Ravine (a.k.a Dodger Stadium or the Latrine) last night to catch the Doyers play the St. Louis Cardinals. This had the makings of a great ballgame. Two teams above 500 battling it out during Memorial Day Weekend for a better position to make the playoffs as the wild card, or by winning their respective division. Too bad the Jar's experience was cut short. Thanks Swartz. Although The Jar doesn't think he deserved the boot. To understand, I first have to tell you about one of the main traditions of fans at Dodger games (other than leaving in the 7th to beat traffic): bring an inflatible beach ball to the stadium and hit it around amongst other fans. It's a guarantee that at any Dodgers game you go to you will see at least 10 - 15 beach balls come to you or in your vicinity. It is also a guarantee that wherever there is a beach ball there will be an usher trying to chase it down to deflate and stop the fun. Fans then heckle usher. It's a given at Chavez Ravine. So 2nd inning of yesterday's game, one of the ushers who looked like the pimply-faced kid with a cracked voice in The Simpsons had just taken the beach ball and as he was walking up the aisle Swartz threw popcorn at him (The Jar wishes he had pictures or video footage of the event). Next thing I know, security takes him away and the next time I saw him, he was standing outside of the stadium. What a degenerate? Still, the Jar got to take in the Dodgers wasting a two on and one out in the first as well as 4 runs scored by St. Louis in the 3rd--which turned out to be the only runs scored in the game. Final Score: St. Lous 4 Dodgers 0. And the Dodgers and twice has many hits, they just couldn't pull through with men on...something that has plagued them for the last...oh, I dunno...2 decades or so.

One last funny thought about the game: right before security informed The Jar that General Swartzkopf was ejected from the game, a beach ball was making it's rounds through the crowdm when a Cardinals fan who was sitting right behind me stood up to catch the ball, and proceeded to deflate it. Kids were begging him not too and his wife even asked him not too, but he didn't care. (The Jar wishes Swartz was still there because he probably would have dumped the rest of his popcorn on this degenerate from St. Louis. ) And right as the ball was just about deflated, a 10 year old kid two rows in front stands up and and yells at the deflator (who was decked out in red Cards garb), "That's why St. Louis sucks!" Like Randy Newman said, "I love LA"

Here are some of the Jar's personal pics from the game:

What a beautiful ticket. Dodger legend Sandy Koufax. Thanks again Reid. And when the Jar got home from the game, The Big Lebowski was on TV right at the rant by Walter Sobchak when he says "3,000 years of beautiful history from Moses to Sandy Koufax, you're goddamn right I'm living in the past!" Kinda sums up the current sentiment felt by Dodgers fans: living in the past. There hasn't been a meaningful Dodger moment in 19 years, 226 days and counting according to dodgerblues.com.

Is this really what a Dodgers #1 fan would wear?

General Swartzkopf. This was his face before getting kicked out of the stadium. I should have known things were going to go downhill from here.

What is this? The USC Doyers? Disgraceful.

That's more like it

Bad Ass

Seeing Canter's Deli at Dodger Stadium makes the Jar smile. A couple from Texas was standing in front of us in line and had never heard of matzo ball soup.

"The Fairfax" from Canter's. Delicious. Swartz was all thumbs up when housing this delectable half corned beef/half pastrami treat. It would only get worse from here.

Albert "Winnie the" Pujols to bat. Brad "I'm only 5-5 this season" Penny pitcthing. The Jar really needs a new camera...the zoom on this one sucks...

What other stadium in the world would you find an advertisement for Las Vegas and have someone like The Jar thinking: Hey, Vegas is only a few hours away, if we leave now, we can get there by midnight

If you look at the top of the picture you can see the beach ball that the crowd below is reaching up to hit.

Unfortunately, The Jar did not get to eat a Dodger Dog on this edition of "At the Stadium" due to the early exit. There is always next time. The Jar will be sure to bring someone who doesn't eat popcorn,