Cedric Benson headed to Toilet Bowl 1

Cedric Benson, the former Texas Longhorn and now former Chicago Bear is sure to have a lot of formers attached to his name by the end of his career, but for now he was formerly a pro running back. Cedric, an extremely over-hyped running back out of Texas was supposed to be the answer to the Bears running issues, but after they gave him the nod over the very underrated Thomas Jones (Jets), the Bears are back to the drawing board in attempt to replace Cedric Benson. This guy sucks ass as a running back, he fucked up a lot of people's fantasy drafts last year and the Bears shot at any glory as a franchise. His off-season was stellar in terms of media attention. He got pulled over for drunken boating, which is understandable, I haven't been on a boat sober since I was twelve, and I'm sure I'm not the only one. To make it worse when they pulled him over, he started crying. There's no crying in football, only if you get inducted in the Hall of Fame. He is just one of those guys who is very attractive to the po's. He got a DWB (Driving while black) this weekend in Texas, he also blew way over the limit so that helped out the case of the muthafuckin po-leese, they Gave him a DUI. This guy is sure to be on the Raiders next season, they missed out on Pac Man so I'm sure he was #2 on their list. Cedric Benson "and Hedges, or probably Newports" will probably have some trouble finding a team this off-season although he could also end up a Cowboy since they are so Gung Ho on taking in all the Ex-Cons. Cedric is one of the many pro-athletes that will compete in the Toilet Bowl live on Sportstoilet.com, look for him to make a run for the toilet and shit on the competition. He has all the qulaities that will make him quite the competitor in this prestigious event. More to come on this situation, good luck finding a job CB, You da man!

The Showdown of the Century

It's here, Celtics-Lakers or Lakers-Celtics, depending on the coast. We here at Sportstoilet are all LA guys so we try not to be bias unlike the evil four letter network that single handedly killed hockey just because NBC won the bidding war to air the games. Disney and ABC should be ashamed, Mickey is fraud and goofy is a heroin addict. ESPN should stop stroking New England based teams and start recognizing the West Coast uprising. The leader of the LA-based resurgence is Kobe Bryant and the Los Angeles Lakers. David Stern is creaming himself over the fact that he has two of the top 5 markets in the finals and the absolute dream match-up, historically, Laker-Celtics. It all started at the trade deadline of the 2007 season. Kobe, obviously fed up with the team's current standing, voiced his opinion on killing the youth movement and the team's need to make big moves and bring in veteran talent. This failed to happen. The Lakers had a chance at Jason Kidd, Kevin Garnett and current Laker, Pau Gasol. Mitch Kupchak, Laker GM, failed to pull the trigger on a deal mainly because all deals included the departure of the young center and oft-proclaimed, future of the Lakers, Andrew Bynum. The Lakers had a miserable season according to the standards set by fans and ownership expectations of the greatest basketball, and maybe sport's franchise of all time.
The off-season was quite eventful, it seemed like whole team was at odds with the backbone, the living legend, the star of stars of the Los Angeles Lakers, Kobe Bryant. Kobe hated them back, or so it seemed. Local radio stations such as AM 570, expressed mixed opinions on Kobe's public tirades about the lack of effort by Laker management. He wasn't particularly happy about the fact that Mitch failed to deal Bynum for the obviously over-the-hill, Jason Kidd. Thank God that didn't happen. The threats started to pour on as Kobe continued his public displeasure and continued to state his desire to be traded. The public also had mixed opinions on Bryant, whether you loved him or hated him at the time, every fan had an opinion on what would be the best for the Lakers. Everyone had a plan for the future and everyone thought a big change was needed. Opportunity arose in the 2007 off season for the Lake show to bring in none other than Kevin Garnett. Finally, this was the answer. A big man, a big name, a "Big Ticket." Talks went on for weeks between Mitch Kupchak and the Evil Celtic, Kevin McHale, T-Wolves GM. All deals had Andrew Bynum somehow involved and Mitch would not deal the young Laker's Center.
The public was torn, and why? The team could not win now without a big name like Kevin Garnett, it just wasn't possible, according to us. The fictitious deadline for this deal had to be the draft, we had to trade pick, we had to trade players and bring in Garnett ASAP. it never happened. The draft started with the obvious picks going one-two, Greg Oden to the Blazers and Kevin Durant to the Sonics. The Celtics were on the board at 5 and they threw quite the curveball. After not being able to dish Paul Pierce, they decided to build around him, now. They traded the #5 pick to the Sonics for their superstar Ray Allen. What? Yes, it was true. This was a solid 1-2 combo that would at least allow them to do just fine in the lackluster east. The draft went on without the Lakers making a move and maintained it's young roster with Kobe Bryant remaining as the teams only true star. Then the unthinkable happened. The two evil Celtic GM's got together and sealed the deal on a trade that would bring Kevin Garnett to the Celtics for a slew of young talent to the Minnesota Timberwolves. The Garnett deal and Kobe's situation did not settle well with Bryant, the fans, the media or anyone who cared about the future of the Laker franchise. The one bright spot of the off season was bringing back the backbone of the 2000-2002 championship Laker teams, Derek Fisher. This was a start, but not enough according to Bryant. The depressing off season carried into the beginning of the 07-08 campaign. Kobe led a young starting lineup that didn't show much promise for the upcoming season. This didn't look great on paper but after a couple months, the Lakers were looking like a playoff team. Andrew Bynum was maturing and becoming and dunking and shot blocking force in the low post and Kobe was being Kobe. D Fish was being the floor general everyone expected he would, being a professional and doing his job. Lamar was up and down as usual and Kwame "DooDoo" Brown had his moment but still couldn't palm a tennis ball and was being Kwame which means he was still dumb as cow shit and very inconsistent. Somehow they were still in the playoff race. Hopes were high in LA, hey, we were gonna at least make the playoffs. Then, the Lakers lost all hope when it's center Andrew Bynum went down with a 2 month injury.
The trade deadline was nearing and Kobe still didn't drop his desire to be traded, then the bomb dropped on the league. There was supposedly a trade in the works that would send then, Memphis Grizzly, Pau Gasol to LA for his little bro, Marc, Kwame "PooPoo" Brown, young PG, Javaris Critterton, who I still think has promise and a couple of first round picks. Couple that with the shipping of Maurice Evans and Brian "Puppy Crap" Cook, it was now apparent that the Lakeshow was serious. Pau was a nice replacement for Bynum, to say the least and Trevor Ariza was a fine defensive anchor for the opposing teams best player. The rollercoaster continued in LA as Boston was in cruise control, dominating the east. They looked like the best team in basketball and there was no doubt in anyone's mind that they would win the 2008 title. The Lakers thought differently. They started climbing the ranks in the very tough western conference and all was well in Lakerland. The hype of a Lakers-Celtics final started as both teams climbed to first place in their respective divisions.
Sure enough as the season ended both teams finished first and the hype continued. The Lakers plowed through the Nuggets in no time flat while the Boston Celtics struggled with the 8th seed Atlanta Hawks. The series went to 7 and The Celtics finished them off in convincing fashion. On to round 2. The Lakers had to face the best home team in the league, the Utah Jazz. While at times the Lakers looked like they could fall, Kobe stood up, put the team on his shoulders and put away the very tough Jazz team in 7, despite a great serious by young pg, Deron Williams. The Celtics went to seven again and had lots of trouble playing 5 on 1, Lebron was proving he is in fact, the 2nd best player in the league and gave a good fight. The Celtics Big 3 was too much for LJ23 and the Celtics would now have their first real test by facing the 2004 NBA Champion, Detroit Pistons. The Lakers drew the defending champion, San Antonio Spurs. The only two teams who are in the running for the team on the current century would be pitted against one another in what was supposed to be a knock down-drag out afair. The series ended in 5 and the Lakers were proving that they were not only the team of the decade, but the best team of the 2008 season.
The Celtics struggled against a Chauncy-less Piston team but eventually pulled off the win in the series. So now, the table was set. The hype happened. David Stern got his wish, he got the Showdown of the Century. Mainly the showdown of 2 centuries ago, but still, Lakers-Celtics is the best possible series for the league, no matter what the generation. The nostalgia is everywhere. Visions of Bird, McHale, Parrish, Magic, Worthy, Jabbar (Alcindor), West, Chamberlain, Russell, Auerbach and Buss. Showtime was back and so was the rivalry of all rivalries. So this is it. Game one is on tap for this evening and who knows what will happen. The C's are favored by 3 tonight and rightfully so. The Celtics were the best team of the regular season and appear to be pumped for the first Championship in Boston hoops since the 80's. The Lakers have 3 at home following the 2 in Boston. This should be one of the best series in basketball history but I think the Lakers take this bitch in 5. Kobe Bryant is now in debate as the best player of all time and this series win would be another step towards being just that. Phil Jackson could also take the championship ring record from the late Celtic great, Red Auerbach. So many storylines, so much rich history, so much to look forward to, yet I still see the father's of LA celebrating when the Lakers win game 5 on father's day and bring the gold back to the downtown hoops dojo, Staples Center. This championship will be for the current dads and the future dads of BH. The house that Shaq built will forever be known as the house that Kobe called home and built his path to the greatest player of our time.
That's what LA is about Basketball and avacados, y'all better know that.

Triple Crown Preview

As Shay-Shay prepares to leave for another weekend of debauchery in Las Vegas tomorrow he wants to shed some light on the historic weekend that lies ahead. For those of you SportsToilet fans that actually listened to me about my Preakness write-up in regards to Big , you are still relishing the taste of victory. Hopefully you are ready to double uo. The horse racing world has needed a Triple Crown winner for a long time. The last Triple Crown winner came from Affirmed in 1978. After the tragic story of Barbaro and recent passing of Eight Belles the sport needs something so incredible like Big Brown.

The only way Big Brown will lose the Belmont Stakes is if one of the horses runs a race in order to knock Big Brown out of first.(Kind of what Jon Chaney did in that basketball game sending in a player to break that poor college kids arm.) Another horse in this race that is a semi contender is named Casino War. The colt is being flown in from overseas and being pushed into action in one of the biggest races in history. With this lack of experience he will be perfect for a 2ND place finish. That's why if I was a betting man, I would take Big Brown and Casino War to finish 1 and 2 in an exacta bet. Big Brown will blow this field away as soon as he is clear of the railing. So when Big Brown wins the Triple Crown on Saturday, take a look at the television and take a few moments to take it all in, this is history in the making.

Davon Jefferson “Airplane” takes a nosedive

Davon Jefferson played one season for the USC Trojans in which he averaged 13 points and was the third best player on a team that lost in the first round of the NCAA Tournament. The guy is a physical specimen, standing at 6’8’’ with really long arms, however, the guy refuses to do anything which would require actual effort. He doesn’t rebound, he doesn’t play defense, he doesn’t even pay attention half the time when he doesn’t have the ball. During the course of the season, Tim Floyd had to suspend him from 3 games do to “offcourt/practice” issues. Basically, Jefferson, who by the way was a 22 year old freshman (after missing a whole year of college after not being able to get a high enough SAT score, preferred to sulk than to try

Maybe you shoud have spent your time lifting weights instead of signing autographs

He probably had everything handed to him. People telling him he was great. People telling him to go pro. And he listened. And he hired an agent. BIG MISTAKE. At the predraft camp, where he needed to dominate to get himself into the first round, he instead did his usual lackadaisical routine and did not impress. Most embarrassing of all, Jefferson put up 185 lbs in the bench press a whopping 2 TIMES. You read it right, he weighs probably 230 and he put up 185 exactly twice! Jtolliani, himself is not a big man, he is 6 ft tall in sneakers, and about 173 lbs dripping wet, and he can put up 185 at least 7 or 8 times. I mean c’mon Davon. You couldn’t study harder for those SAT’s and qualified for college a year earlier? You couldn’t have learned how to dribble or box out at some point? You couldn’t have practiced your free throws, because all you can pretty much do out there is go to the basket and try to get fouled. You are a disgrace. And you will not be missed at USC. You have all the talent in the world. But you would rather let it waste away. So you will do the same. You can think about it when you on the bus between D-League games. I can see you know: “Maybe I should have tried harder.”

Joba (no...not those balls that asian's put in tea) Chamberlain struggles in first start

All this non-sense pitch count crap, put way too much pressure on Joba in his first major league start. Going into the game, he knew he was only allowed 70 pitches so he was aiming too much, and got wild and walked 4 in his 2 1/3 innings of work. I know the Yankees don’t want him to go the way of Mark Prior, but cmon. 70 pitches? Have you seen Chamberlain’s build. I think he can take it. At least better than he took those flies last September.

That being said Joba should have looked across the field at his opposing pitcher Roy Halladay to see how the pros do it. Halladay is a former cy young winner and perennially one of the best pitches in the game, but he gets no love cause he plays in Canada. I think the Yankees should worry more about Joba’s twinkie intake then his pitch count. Let the guy let it rip. Seattle last year let Felix Hernandez just pitch and the Angels just put Jared Weaver out there. And they both had outstanding years, and are off to good starts again. 260 pound kids no matter what age don’t need kid gloves. Just for some perspective, Joba is 2 months younger than the NBA’s Chris Paul. I think he is ready to play.

Au Revoir Montreal

This past weekend Shay Shay took in the lovely city of Montreal, Canada where hockey is the sport year-round and the French influence is always growing. Here is a random fact for you SportsToilet fans; There is a separate division of the Montreal Police department that enforces the signs in Montreal. Every sign must be in French or you will be reported and fined and after that you must fix the sign. Talk about hate of the English language. Anyways back to the home of the Montreal Canadians. If you thought hockey season was over for the Canadian fans you thought wrong. I happened to walk into a conversation by a fellow Canadian about off season plans for their beloved team. He was telling me that they should get rid of this guy and definitely sign a power player. He then asked me if he should change the location of his season tickets in order to make sure his 5 year old can go to every game. Their season just ended 3 weeks ago! The puck never stops in this city.

If you find yourself wanting to to visit Montreal anytime soon I would book a ticket for this weekend. Sorry for the late notice but this week the Grand Prix of Canada in association with F1 Motorsports will take place. As I was watching the city transform into a party town, I began to regret that I could not stay and party with fellow FI superstar Lewis Hamilton. This 23 year old phenom is a true shining star at such a bright young age. The city closes down the busiest streets in Montreal for the weekend and parties will continue at their clubs all night. Two picks for my fans. First Club Opera to party(just do it). Second, take Lewis Hamilton to win the race.

Last but not least I must touch on those Montreal Expos we use to know. The days of Delino Deshields, Pedro Martinez and Larry Walker . The times where the stadium was so empty the yellow chairs stood out more than the players. And who is ever going to forget Henry Rodriguez and the Oh Henry! bar explosion. One thing that is not missed in Montreal is the Expos. You will see a few Expo shirts lost in the thousands of Montreal Canadian jerseys. My reason for the failure in Expos baseball was the fact that Olympic stadium was so far from the heart of the city. The fact that they won 20 games a season didn't help either. Montreal is truly a beautiful city with so much class and ass and I encourage you to take time out and visit a true Canadian masterpiece.

Kimbo Slice, Eilte XC hits network TV

Last night's Elite XC card on CBS had its ups and downs. There were a few exciting fights including Robbie Lawler (15-4, 1 NC) and Scott Smith (15-4, 1 NC), and in a women’s bout Gina Carano (6-0) and Kaitlin Young (4-2). Carano is tough and for lack of a better word, she looked really really hot, in her victory. However, the whole event just seemed like amateur hour. To give you some perspective, Kimbo Slice’s headlining the first MMA card on national TV, would be like Skip to my Lou’s first NBADL game most people’s first introduction to pro basketball. I know, CBS wanted to jump on the MMA bandwagon, but I am afraid doing so is giving people an extremely watered down version of the sport.

I am not saying Slice doesn’t have potential, but he has no idea what he is doing in there. At one point, he had Jason Thompson hurt, and he attempted to apply a guillotine choke. He got his arm around Thompson’s neck, but instead of falling down and pulling guard, (putting his legs around Thompson’s body to prevent an escape), he merely laid down and tried to use his brute strength. While this would work in the backyard against most opponents, Thompson who has some jiu jitsu ability rolled forward and out of the hold. Slice did eventually get the victory when Thompson’s cauliflower ear literally exploded, but I thought it was a bullshit stoppage. Thompson wanted to keep going. If it had been on pay per view, not national TV they would have kept it going. Instead they let Slice escape in a fight that would have been very very close on the judges cards. (In fact I thought that almost every fight was stopped to fast, with a fighter wobbling, but before the final blow.) I don’t think Elite XC has enough quality fighters or personalities to really thrive on national TV, unless UFC fighters start a mass exodus to try to get more exposure. One last thing I wanted to mention. There is a WEC lightweight championship match on Versus Network tonight featuring Urijah Faber vs. Jens “lil evil” Pulver. Faber looks a little like Jeff Spicoli from “Fast Times at Ridgemont High,” but he is explosive, exciting and quite possibly a top 5 or 10 pound for pound fighter in the world. I actually think he would give BJ Penn a better challenge for his own lightweight title than anyone in the UFC.

A Look Back

Talk about going your seperate ways
Visors really need to make a come back, those things were so fresh, earrings too and pretty much the 90's in general.

New Tyson Documentary

Director, James Toback, fresh off his film's introduction to Cannes, speaks about his chronicles of Mike Tyson. Plenty of footage from Mike's prime and what has happened to Iron Mike since his title reigns. It seems pretty interesting. Anytime you get to see Tyson kicking the shit out of people in the later 80's is just a phenomenal sight. Before he was a canibal and a C list celebrity rapist, this guys fucked up everyone! "Tyson," which is due to be released later this year will surely be a success and hopefully will get Mike on his feet again. Hopefully he doesn't blow all the cash getting the other side of his face tattooed.
Hopefully this revival for Mike will inspire Nintendo Wii to release the third enstallment of the Mike Tyson's Punch Out series. Those games are good, really good.
Check out the video

In other boxing news...
Hasim Rachman has agreed to fight James Toney in July, according to Top Rank.

First Aston Martins, Now Snakes?

Yes, Kobe is at it again. After jumping over an Aston Martin racing towards him on top of a Los Angeles rooftop, he will now take on joins the Jackass guys for some stunts with snakes.
Take a look...