A Plan for the Clippers

This is sad. Ok, to start I want to preface by saying in no way do I care about the Los Angeles Clippers, I'm an LA guy, and if you're a real LA guy, it's Purple and gold or bust. I tried to find an image for The Clippers on Google and the majority of the pictures were sailboats and haircutting utensils. I swear try it. I hate this team one through twelve. I hate the coach. I hate the owner. I love the area and I love the GM (Elgin Baylor) as a player, not as a GM. This is the most pathetic franchise in sports. They are not even able to qualify as the Lakers' NBDL team most seasons and this year was a prime example. They draft bad, they are all injury prone and they sign veterans who are past their prime, they are a lot like the Dodgers in that sense, it hurts me to say that, trust me. This is what will probably happen this off-season: They will lose Maggette and Brand, Shaun Livingston will get injured again, which I hope doesn't happen because I actually like him and they will draft some guy name Zaargaanusius Morocaragodzadian, some import from Indo-China or Armenia who won't be ready to play for 3 more years when his rookie contract is up.
Attention: Elgin Baylor, Mike Dunleavy, Donald Sterling!!! I'll give you a hint on the off-season, pay attention, it's your only chance.
First objective, keep Elton Brand, he is the only irreplaceable guy on your team. He's the only one who plays with heart on your team or a brain for that matter.
Second, lock up Caveman Kaman for a long time, he's developing into a rebounding and shot blocking machine plus he has nice touch off the glass and works well in that crap offense you run.
Third, let Maggette go and do whatever it take to bring back one of the LA born superstar free agents, Gilbert "I fill" Arenas or Baron Davis. They can both run the point at a high level, they can both distribute the ball and dish it out in bunches and they are both Southland Legends.
Fourth, draft well, this shouldn't be too tough, I see 5 studs in the first 5 picks. Don't look at the draft projection, if you fall in the top 5, you have 5 options: Derrick Rose, Michael Beasely, OJ Mayo, Jerryd Bayless, or Eric Gordon. Don't trade down, just take any of these guys. All of them are solid guys, OJ has character issues but they can be solved now that all the gifts are given over the table. Bayless would love to run with the fellow Wildcat Gilbert Arenas, and would even play the 2 and learn from one of the game's best. Gordon, is a thirsty young baller who can drain any shot, D-Up and run the point if needed. He's fast and rebounds, something most guards shy away from. Beasely and Rose speak for themselves. If the Clippers get pick one or two, they are all set. DO NOT! draft "Brenda, I mean" Brooke Lopez, he's as soft as puppy crap and and will just be another Clipper big man bust.
Fifth, trade or sign for a great shooting small forward like a Kyle Korver or Sasha Vujacic type, Brent Barry is still available too. This will solidify the starting lineup and spread the floor for Your new superstar point guard to go to work. I'd also make a run at Eduardo Najera, a solid defender off the bench and great rebounder.
Now if you listened to me this could be your lineup:
Gilbert Arenas-Derrick Rose-Al Thornton-Elton Brand-Chris Kaman...good start right?
You will have Shaun Livingston, Eduardo Najero, Tim Thomas, Cutino Mobley, Dan Dickau and Smush "Well I don't really count in Teddy's argument" Parker coming off the bench. This no longer sounds like a dead last team to me.
Lastly, get the fuck out of LA, you are not wanted here. You are the shitty younger brother that can never win. Guess what? I heard Anaheim is a great sports town and no one plays basketball there yet...Or San Diego, I heard they have room to build and it was your first California home....Maybe Mexico city, it's just like LA without the beaches.
I know you will not read this,so I know you have no chance in 09, but if you do do something along these lines, you may improve drastically.
In closing, I would like to quote Ving Rhames in Pulp Fiction, in reference to the Clippers current standing in the Staples Center,"Your LA privileges are over."

New Man In The Raider Nation

With the fourth pick in the NFL Draft, the Oakland (formerly of Los Angeles) Raiders select, Darren "RUN DMC" McFadden. The Raiders have been a serious disappointment the last few years, I mean it's to the point where 18th st. doesn't even rock Tim Brown "81" Jerseys anymore. However, it's safe to say, the tables have just turned. McFadden, in addition to last year's first overall pick, Jamarcus Russel, have formed the most formidable young, offensive machine in football. Couple that with a top-5 defense from last year, it's safe to say the Raiders are no longer a laughing stock. The addition of McFadden, an All-American running back from the University of Arkansas, is huge not only for the team, but this brings a new life to the Raider organization as a whole. We are young and scary again. So gang bangers, Westsider riders, Raider Nation,Los Angeles, Inglewood-always up to no good, even Hollywood up in this, let's rejoice and welcome the future of football, Darren McFadden. After all, if we ever do get another LA Football team, it will probably be the silver and black attack!

P.S. if someone steals my original art above, can you at least send me a free shirt? I wear a medium, Thanks

White Men Can Jump!

AP Player of the Year and University of North Carolina Tar Heel Tyler Hansbrough is so upset by the fact that his 'Heels lost in this year's tourney that he is jumping off of balconies. Literally. Check out this picture. The news probably gave Roy Williams a cardiac arrest. I'm not a big fan of the East Coast Jon Brockman, but look at the hops on that kid. White Men Can Jump thank you very much. But in all seriousness Psycho T, the only pool you should be jumping into is the draft pool. You are a poor man's Mark Madsen and your draft stock will never be higher than it is now. You are passing up millions of dollars in NBA money to jump into inflatable pools with frat guys. Really? You are flushing a golden opportunity down the sports toilet. I understand that being fratty and taking beer bongs is fun (I know from experience), but didn't you realize that you can still do all of those things in the pros? Just ask Matt Leinart.